Jody always told me to "drop the rope" when H/XH and I were negotiating the terms of our D. This means "don't overtly resist" (this would make H pull back, like a child).....but covertly resist as much as you can without making it too obvious. Make H do the work. Make H pay his attorney to file paperwork. I used H/XH's complaint that his attorney was charging him too much as a point over which we could bond. Jody said she'd never heard of a D'ing couple bond over the way we felt about our attorneys as much as H/XH and I did.
Jody always said that I should be generous in the negotiations. This was not easy and I swallowed very hard a few times, but in the end I think that my generosity saved me money and aggravation. When we were splitting up household items there were a handful of times when I gave H/XH something that I wanted (e.g. a framed photograph of the panoramic view from a little Italian hill town we visited on our honeymoon), but now that XH is starting to realize that his single life isn't all golden, I know that those objects are in his house to remind him of the good times we had.......AND to create a point of dissention between XH and any women who spend much time at his place (they are bound to ask "when were you here?")....AND the memory of my generosity is burned into XH's memory and underscore the difference between me and the bunny boilers he's been dating.
.........and YES! Looking gorgeous will make H think about what he is missing. You GO girl!
