NOW, he's emailed me wanting to meet me at one of our lawyer's in town. I refused, telling him my lawyer would have to be present and his time wasn't free. Told him our main contention would be maintenence and displacement and he knew it. If he no longer felt we should meet, then fine.
I refuse, CAN'T sign any sort of agreement before November 17th to retain health insurance. He doesn't want his dirty laundry aired. Hopefully, this will all work out. Damn it, as happy as I am, I still miss the sob.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
Thank you for the kind words on my thread. It is comforting to know that none of us walks alone.
Yes, stick to you guns and protect yourself. If your H didn't want his dirty laundry aired, well he shouldn't have soiled it in the first place. That's his problem.
Remind him gently that there is a way to keep from from airing it and that's to drop it.
Is there a reason for his big rush to D? Do you think ow is pushing him hard for it?
Punkin, it's wonderful to hear you say you're happy!
Jody always told me to "drop the rope" when H/XH and I were negotiating the terms of our D. This means "don't overtly resist" (this would make H pull back, like a child).....but covertly resist as much as you can without making it too obvious. Make H do the work. Make H pay his attorney to file paperwork. I used H/XH's complaint that his attorney was charging him too much as a point over which we could bond. Jody said she'd never heard of a D'ing couple bond over the way we felt about our attorneys as much as H/XH and I did.
Jody always said that I should be generous in the negotiations. This was not easy and I swallowed very hard a few times, but in the end I think that my generosity saved me money and aggravation. When we were splitting up household items there were a handful of times when I gave H/XH something that I wanted (e.g. a framed photograph of the panoramic view from a little Italian hill town we visited on our honeymoon), but now that XH is starting to realize that his single life isn't all golden, I know that those objects are in his house to remind him of the good times we had.......AND to create a point of dissention between XH and any women who spend much time at his place (they are bound to ask "when were you here?")....AND the memory of my generosity is burned into XH's memory and underscore the difference between me and the bunny boilers he's been dating.
.........and YES! Looking gorgeous will make H think about what he is missing. You GO girl!
Hey....if you need a set of CFM pumps let me know. I borrowed Grit's the other day. LOL.
Seriously though, I think that Seeking and GAG are spot on (as is Lance)...stick to your guns BUT remember this is NOT about winning. How you deal with your H will determine if in the future you have a chance at reconciliation. So, you will need to walk a fine line between wanting HIM to PAY for HIS actions and doing what is truly right and just.
As for a meeting at a lawyers office - no way. You were right to pass on that one.
Also, be careful NOT to commit to ANYTHING in your meeting with your H. I would start the conversation by saying that you are there to listen to WHAT HE has to say/offer. Let him offer what he feels comfortable with and then YOU can decide if that works for you. Listen does a few things...give him the impression that he is in charge 2) allows you to see what he is thinking about and 3) helps validate in to some extent. If you do not agree with something do not argue a simple "I'll think about it" will work. He may try to push you (and hell if your a size 4 he may try and make a move on ya) - do not as much as you want to engage him. Do not make this a difficult exchange. If he get's really pushy you may just want to say "you know I don't feel comfortable and so I'm going to leave". As much as you may want to say F*ck you...don't. Show HIM the Punkin that you have become.
Good luck....size 4
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Just thought of another nugget that Jody told me. ..........When you are letting H do most of the talking, lean your chin on your hand. It makes you look like you're listening intently to your H.
Jody also suggested wearing dangly earrings because that makes us more experienced gals look younger (you're probably already doing this).
Thanks guys. You don't know how much I missed you all! And for the well needed advice. I was a bit ticked when he tried to move things last night and seemed to be pushing for more than I had plainly told him I was ready to discuss, but graciously declined and suggested he let me know whether we were meeting or not, as I was going to that town anyway for the football game that night.
I do think OW is pushing hard, and thought if she would get me into a lawyer's office, we'd just sign something and be done with it. No way.
On with my GAL'ng. My high school friends and I are going to our first exercise class tonight at 5:00. I think I told it was called Zumba Gold - the G just to hide the old. Called our teacher last night and wanted to know if I should bring any extra things, like (sorry guys) mini pads and extra panties. She promised to take it easy on us to night.
God, having my friends back on this board makes me want to call in sick, stay home and chat online all day. I think there is a disease for that.
Anyway- Everyone have a great day!
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
This is suppose to be some sort of latin aerobic excercise thing. I hope you enjoy it.
Quote:
mini pads and extra panties
This....^^^^^^ only from you Punkin...only from you.
BTW, I eagerly await your next story titles.
Have a good day. Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
