Still trying to find my way

[Mystik]

Just talked to the person who handles my medications. Going to double up on one of my scripts and see if that can get me out of this slump.

[Vulcanized]

M, the negative self talk isn't helping you. You are a pretty lady (and I saw your pix!!!) with a huge heart. You will find someone to love you and just you. I know how hard it is, but you have to let H go.

32 is young. Hell, I'm 40 and I'm quite sure that I'll find another good man. Maybe even soon. I have no doubt that you can too. I've been making it a point to smile, flirt and interact w/men everyday - for the practice and just to remind myself H isn't the only man out there.

H spent his bday last week w/whore. Thought about him, but didn't contact. Pointless. That is what H chose. Miss H terribly at times, but it's a lot easier just accepting that H threw a good woman away over for a stupid (so I've heard) whore.

If you need to talk, mail me in the alt.

((((hugs))))

[courageous wife]

(((Mystik)))

If I could reach thru the computer and give you a real hug I would!

We all need to rant and rave and you did real good! NOw...hopefully it is out of your system for now, you get your meds changed and make a plan for yourself!

Your rant was all about your H...it is time for YOU...time to focus on YOU and your DS!

There is nothing you can do to make your H come home so forget him...karma will catch up with him someday I promise! In the meantime...work on yourself..you have read the stories about the LBS letting go and then all of the sudden their spouses show an interest in them again?

What will make Mystik happy (besides H?)
What does Mystik not like about herself? What can she change?
What does she have control over?

Sweetie! When people posted this stuff to me it really pissed me off! But, they were right...I didn't even get married until I was 31!!! You are young!!!! You've got plenty of time to work on being the best Mystik and if down the road, you decide move on, there will be someone! At least you are not starting over in your 40's or 50's!!!

Become the best Mystik there is...let your H see what he is missing out on, let his family see..try not to be upset with them...they are related to your DS!!!

I think NewMama is setting a wonderful example of GAL!!!

You are a wonderful person and right now you are your DS's pillar of strength! He is counting on you!!!

I am not a writer and the words just flow out as I am thinking of them so sorry this is not very eloquent! But it is from my heart!!!

I hope tomorrow is a better day!!!!

[KellBell0820]

(((Mystik)))

Just wanted to give ya a virtual hug and tell you that I agree with vulcanized and courageous wife. They said it better than I think I could. 32 is young and you will find somebody else! Concentrate on yourself and your kiddo, live life the best you can.

[Mystik]

Thank you everyone. Hoping the meds can improve my depression. I'm going into that numb, devoid of all emotions stage.

Just getting home from picking up DS. H was 27 minutes late dropping him off, and he did not have DS do his homework and forgot to bring DS's jacket back with him. He signed DS up for swim lessons out by him, and was telling me about them. I nodded and he asked if I was doing the not talking to him again. I said "I nodded" and then didn't say anything more to him. I did cry on the drive home, it's practically a physical pain how much I miss him.

So, no contact until Sunday now. I hate this no-contact even though I know it's better this way. I want him to e-mail or text, but at the same time am afraid of what he will say.

[KellBell0820]

It's hard Mystik. I feel your pain there. I do still cry over my H at times, but I'm getting better at accepting.

This isn't your fault, sure we all did our parts to get our M's to this point, however you have been working on yourself and attempting to work on the M alone. Your H probably hasn't.

My H doesn't call at all, really. Not even to talk to D. I think I have it somewhat easy that way. I don't have to hear his voice, lies, or excuses. I kind of think it makes it easier although I do still wish he would call. I miss having him around to just talk to definitely.

[Mystik]

I'm the same way, Kell. I miss just being able to talk to him about anything and everything. It's hard having this invisible wall between us where I can see him and hear him but can't reach out to him. I often times think that it would be better if he just left me and DS alone completely, so that I could hopefully find it easier to let go instead of having to see him two or three times a week and keep reopening the wound.

[Mystik]

Took a mental health day from work. I just had so much weighing on my mind of things I needed to do here at home that I wouldn't have been much use at work.

While I'm doing my cleaning and other stuff I'm also spending time thinking. Was up late last night reading some other threads and a recurring theme was letting the WAS go, giving them the divorce they want. So I'm going to bite the bullet and call lawyers this afternoon to get estimates on retainers for both family court and divorce court. But at the same time I'm feeling rather hopeless that it won't do my any good, I'm going to just lose anyway so why spend the money, you know? At least if I get quotes then I can tell my dad I did call other lawyers. I'm hoping they are either more than or comparable to the lawyer I've already worked with so he relents and lets me stay with her. I'm also going to call her office and see what we can work out as far as a payment plan or something, maybe see if I qualify for pro bono.

[sgctxok]

Hi!

Your thread is very large. Please start a new one. Large threads slow down the mechanics of the board.

Thanks,
sg

[Mystik]

New thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2086318