cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[mishka422]

I also would suggest, "Not any longer". That ties it all up for them without giving more information than they deserve to have. These are your students after all, not friends.

[awest1217]

Thanks! It isn't a big issue, but something I was thinking about. Many of my students are having children in high school, are drinking, doing drugs, in gangs, etc, and part of it is because they don't or haven't had good roll models. I always want to be a good role model to my students.

I am very busy, but things are going well.

[awest1217]

An up and down weekend. H, S and I went to the ND game and it was all fun, but at the same time hard. H and I get along really really well. Talking is easy. It is all just easy because we really do get along. I don't hate him. I just hate what he has done to us. I really think the only thing I need to completely heal is to know why.

Hanging out and watching S enjoy himself was great. I am really proud about my decision to be friendly with H because it show with S. S is so well adjusted about the whole sitch so that helps me to keep doing what I am doing. Also I find myself being free to be me because I am not bogged down by a lot of anger, bitterness, resentment,etc. It is really a freeing feeling.

The down side is I still don't understand why H doesn't want to be with me when we get along so well. I also want to know why he is so involved now. He hasn't been involved for 16 months, but now the last two months he is all about helping and buying stuff. It is just weird.

Also it was alumni weekend so a lot of his band buddies were there, but he never once introduced me or S. I am fine with me, but he never once introduced S to anyone. It was really sad, and another wanting to know why.

Lastly, I found out that the trip that the postcard was about was H taking OW to Disney World. This is the part that hurts and I am still very upset and sad about. We always talked about going to Disney for our honeymoon, but H never once took me anywhere and we didn't have a honeymoon. To top it all off, he was MIA for Father's Day. Telling me he didn't want to be celebrated and that he was at "rehab". Guess what? He was at Disney over Father's Day. How nice skipping out on his own son for OW. Once again how OW is more important than S. I am hurt by the fact that H never took me anywhere and super upset that H went over Father's Day.

The conflict for me is that since that time, H has been a different person. I don't know what happened, but a week later he started doing every other weekend with S and now is buying expensive gifts and trying to be really nice. I just don't get it. What happened?

Then last night we had a "moment". H text me about the show Amazing Race because we always watched that together. He asked me if I would want to race with him (really? we are getting D'd). I answered honestly that I would race with him because we get along so well now and we are opposites so where I excel he is weak and where I am weak he excels. A perfect team. I am very analytical and he has so much random knowledge that we could be a good team. He responded how I said I wouldn't in past years because we would be one of those couples that argued all the time. I said yes in the past we would have, but now I am more laid back and wouldn't get upset about the small stuff.

It was overall a very strange weekend. I know H and I will never get back together because H hasn't changed at all, but I also think the R between us will never be dead because we do belong together. I don't see myself with anyone else, which is fine because I am perfectly happy being single.

The weekend ended well hanging out with friends and laughing a ton.

[Lucky11too]

Ugg, that's awful! I can't believe he went to Disneyworld with her! That's a tough one to swallow given the past circumstances with you! And what was his story again? Something about OW just needing to borrow his credit card for a business trip or somethig? And why D-world? I can think of a lot more romantic places and you would have thought he would have wanted to wait to take S. What's more, I'm surprised he didn't feel the sadness of seeing all the other children at D-world and not being with his on father's day! Ug, sorry, so disgusted with this! How did you find out anyways? But if he has changed since then, then definitely good for him. (but it obviuosly didn't have anything to do w/ OW, since she is still in the pic).

I can understand a lot of what you are feeling. Despite the awful circumstances we've been thru, when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of it with our H's, we are good for each other. It's hard to fathom why 2 people that can have that connection just won't work out and why an H won't even fight to save it. I know that you want to know why, but you probably won't ever get an answer b/c I doubt H can even answer it exactly himself. Also, I think spending any good time with them brings up a lot of old feelings that we try to suppress. It's great that you're able to maintain the friendship that you want with H, but at some point you might find it too hard to keep having those feelings of togetherness brought up each time you spend time with him. You are still doing great on your own and are enjoying your life, which is great, but just something to think about. Interesting about the amazing race conversation. I think even our H's get a little fanciful sometimes too, but not very realistic. I think you responded to it well though and that's the best you can do. Even gave yourself a booast in the response about the changes you've made for yourself. Very good!

Glad you had fun last night! A good laugh never hurts! ;-)

[awest1217]

I did tell H on Saturday that we would not be hanging out anymore like we did that day because it was too hard on me. It is just funny because although I sent that to him, he still started a conversation with me about being partners. It is all just crazy. I don't get it and I am really not holding out hope, but it is strange.

[awest1217]

More strange...


Last night H came to pick up S. We both thought that with the game S didn't get to be with just H enough so last night was a little extra time. I acted more distant than normal because with the feelings coming back I needed the distance. I text H and let him know why I was acting the way I was because I just need some distance for a while and then I can go back to being more friendly. I just need time for these feelings to simmer down again.

Anyway I text H and about 10 minutes later he texts me because he lost his ipod (probably figuring that I had it...so over that stage). He kept me up 1.5 hours later than I wanted to stay up. I am really tired from staying up a little too late Sunday to watch Amazing Race (football ran over) so I needed to get to bed a little early. Plus I hadn't been sleeping well last week. He kept texting me and saying how he looked here or there. I just told him to wait until morning, but he couldn't help it and even went out and bought a new one. He calls at 9:30 pm to talk about his feelings and where he had looked. I gave him a few other suggestions just in case he didn't think of it. Finally at 10:15 he texts me that he found it stuck in a chair at his parents. I said I am glad and that was that.

Here is my thing. I have text him twice saying how I need to have some space for a while and he keeps pursuing (I don't think as a husband, but more as a friend). What is up with that? He has OW. Why not call her and text her about it? Why me?

With OW, I know they are still a "thing", but at the same time I don't think it will ever be more than that. I saw on OW's H's facebook page that they just bought a brand new car and it says they are still married. Now on everything with H he has her listed with her maiden name. Maybe to help him believe that she is no longer married. It is all so crazy. I more want to know what is going on just to know. I don't really care any more, but I do pity H because I don't think he will ever be treated like he wants from OW, but that is his problem.

This week I have parent/teacher conferences tomorrow. Friday I am going with B, SIL, nephew and S to a pumpkin patch. Saturday is black Saturday for my family...my step-sister and family move here from TN. DRAMA QUEEN!!! AW!

[v1olin]

I still get a little of that from my x-wife too. Although she is very good at not pursuing me I can tell from time to time that she still wants me to be there for her.

[awest1217]

Let's see...
Parent teacher conferences went well. I always like meeting parents because I get along well with them and they leave knowing I want what is best for their student so that is always good.

My step-sister and family moved in with little drama. There was a little, but I was not involved because it was late at night when my brother in law came with the truck and I have S to get to bed so I got out of that. Otherwise nothing too major.

I got a new dining room table from my step-sister (their old one). It is nice because I can give my in-laws their table back and not have to continually deal with them.

After finding out about Disney over Father's Day. I really haven't talked to H much. Actually it is bothering me that he hasn't even contacted me to see how S is doing. I don't want him to know about me, but if he really cares why doesn't he call why do I have to always be the one to force S to call him?

I e-mailed my L asking what the hold up was (in nicer terms). She said that her house was burglarized and was behind. She said the property agreement will be ready as soon as she gets the new contract from H and his 403b information. I text H to have him send it to her (no point in increasing my L cost if we are being civil). He then accidentally sends me the text he means to send to OW telling her about what I am asking for and wondering why. I forwarded it back and told him it was inappropriate and from now on he can deal with my L because I am not trying to hurt him and even if OW has gotten a D her D will be different because no kids are involved. I need the salary for child support and the 403b we decided to add a bunch to his because my check was where we paid bills so since we were married and both would get that money we agreed to put the money into his 403b for retirement. Needless to say I was upset and really haven't talked at all since then. I called him yesterday because his car insurance was reinstated and he text me to tell me he got the recall letter for my car.

The L did say that it looks like i will be getting $20 more a month than I am now, which really means $70 a month because before when our cell phones were together it was $500 for support and cell, but now it will be $520 for just support and the cells are split. Looking good for me I don't want him to suffer, but I deserve what he should have been helping to pay especially since he has only one bill he is responsible for and he has take OW on at least 5 small one day vacations and the 5 day trip to FL all in a 17 month period. He should have been helping me some through that time since the house is also in his name.

Finally, the car is getting fixed for the stalling on Saturday. I am taking it in at 8 am to get it diagnosed and then it will get fixed. YEAH!!!

Overall a good week, and a really good day. It seems the closer the D comes the more calm I am. I am more worried about the ambiguities. I know I will still grieve my marriage, but a good time right now.

[v1olin]

Wow, so sorry to hear about the text interception. I have not followed your thread in the past but since we are from the same state I figured I would support a fellow hoosier:)

My lawyer also continually dragged her feet on a lot of things and it took almost 18 months to finalise. I still have not gotten my part of the divorce settlement (401k) and that is because my L is not returning my calls! I don't get that at all.

And to top it all, I found out yesterday about my X-wifes new BF from my poor little D8.

[ClingingToHope]

I e-mailed my L asking what the hold up was (in nicer terms).

Don't make this a habit. I looked at my itemized bill. Every phone call and every email you probably get charged a quarter of an hour. My L is $250 an hour so that's $62.50 an email.