I had a pretty good run emotionally, three days no tears... A new record! Unfortunately yesterday and now (just after midnight) I've crashed! I'm up now and can't get back to sleep. My W came home at 1130p, which is when I usually go to work; however, she forgot that I have training tomorrow from 8a-4. She came in the room and asked why I wasn't going to work... I responded,"training". She proceeded to pack a bag and walked out of the house. Not another word. I have not said anything to her and have been dark as night. I think I've done well for a newbie going dark. Still trying to appear less angry and not have anger be the reason for detaching... That's gonna take some more work, I'm certain I look upset and angry.
I'm just feeling hurt right now. I've done nothing majorily wrong to deserve this treatment from her. I've made some minor mistakes, typical mistakes, not being there at times, taking her for granted, arguing, etc., but overall a very loving and kind husband and father to our children, a great provider, trusted friend to her, etc.
She sent one text earlier: "Have a question for u. Can I have half of everything at the house.. I mean the small things.. Soaps. Kid soaps, cleaning stuff, and etc?? The big things we already discussed and planned which I agree on.."
I never responded, and she never called or even texted about the kids today. She has blocked my sister from seeing her FB site. My neice invited my ex-wife to her baby shower, so my wife is mad at her mom, my sis. Didnt need that right now.
I just get the feeling she is TOTALLY OK with me not talking to her. She appears to be moving on just fine without me, like I never existed, like I mean nothing to her, ERASED from her current life. So COLD! How could you treat a loyal husband and the father of your children that way unless there is OM. Even still, how? Why? Does she love me at all? Does she even care at all about me? Just ranting I guess. I know it shouldn't matter, but I can't pretend my heart doesn't ache. She says I'm a great guy, a good person... Why on Earth does she treat me so horrible?
I cried today, had been days since my last, still I never contacted her and she doesn't know. I've been dark, but maybe I'm doing it wrong... Do I look too angry? Probably. Should I be saying something more? Idk. The darker I get, the more distant and darker she gets. It's punishing! I find myself second guessing. I have put my trust in you guys here. Of course the day I needed this board most, the site was down ALL DAY!!! It's still down, so I'm typing this to post when it's up. This site helps me get through the day. There is no doubt in my mind, this site saves lives! Down in the dumps, but I know it will pass.
I've prayed so much lately, others pray for me/us regularly too. Dear God, give me hope. I wonder what I ever did to deserve such a miserable ending to a marriage I've given my all to. Just trying stay calm and focus on your advice.
