My Life and Husband's MLC

[DestinyUnknown]

Thank you Lance. I have been spiraling over the last few days. I had an appointment with my IC on Saturday and I came to a huge realization......I feel like I am invisible to those who are "suppose" to love and care for me.

I think about my situation more now than ever and the picture is bleak. I want to give up because I am not very good with patience....a virtue that is sometimes amiss with me. The circling of my H's MLC is sometimes too much to bear. I try to understand his pain, his hurt, his confusion, his despair and then I feel guilty about NOT having patience. His blackhole runs deep and right now he is not ready to completely face his own reality. Right now, he is "peeking" through the window of his life which may or may not include me. THe thought of not being with my H is very devasting to me. Not because I can't make it without him, but I know I WANT to be with him. He is a good person; even through this crazy rollercoaster we have been riding.

I pray to God for my soul, salvation, and renewal. But I do feel invisible because those closest to me have considered me strong, carefree, and dependable. They believe I am not supposed to cry or breakdown because I am hurt or in pain. As such, I am ignored because I guess I am not suppose to feel.

I feel more than my family or H could ever imagine and I have felt like why am I here. I don't know....

Thanks for listening.