Yes, it certainly is Allen. It would be a lot easier if it was all logic and no feelings involved, that's for sure! My problem was in expectations. Because H acted positively in ways, I kept expecting a natural progression to occur. I was waiting for him to go from friendly to romantic. It is not happening. A big part of me was discouraged. I started to feel that it was never going to happen. Moreover, it is hurtful to have someone treat you that way after 20 years of giving yourself to them.
Now, I know that it still is possible that H may never come back around - he may never feel romantically towards me again. However, if he doesn't, it is not because of anything I have done or not done. It is his own defectiveness. If he can't/won't come back around after all the changes I have made in myself, for myself, it truly IS his loss! If it is not him, it will be someone better than him. Someone who will appreciate me and meet my needs as I meet theirs.
I am still struggling with hurt, but I am not letting it define me or my actions. Well, maybe it does on occasion, but for the most part it does not.
