So we started family coun. last night for me and the kids. Was very interesting. The c asked some routine questions with just me first in the room first. to get the details of the situation. When the kids were with me, she kinda put me on the spot. She came right out and asked me if I wanted to divorce my wife. I was like WTF, dont ask that in front of the kids. Of course i didnt say that, I said I felt I had no other options as my wife was pushing further and further away from the family. She repeated the question, I thought about it and I told her NO in front of my children.
She took out a little booklet, 31 reasons to stop an affair. She handed it to me. Told me to read it while she talked with the children. I did read it and when I was done, she asked me what did I think? I said I agreed with everyone of them, but it wasnt me who had to agree with them. She asked the children what they wanted, they all said they wanted mommy home. Of course. We left the topic for a little while and went to the discussion of me telling the children about the other man.
The c agreed that the children had a right to know what the other man represents, that he is not a good influence on the family life. She inforced that it was okay for the kids to like him, but did they want to like him or want mommy home? So the deal in the family now is "they like OM, but mommy coming home is way more important!".
So people help me out here people,all I can say is WTF!
She then went back to the topic of the 31 reasons, she looked at me and said it was my job to get my wife to read them. I was a little pissed off at this, I tild her I have tried everything i could think of. She said, look at your children. A mother cant walk away from 4 beautiful faces, she is feeling confused, like she has no options, and the noose is closing in. If I continue to pressure her with court taking my child support, with the lack of attention from me and family, and little time with the kids she will start to feel helpless. She will feel that she has no other option but to stay where she is, where her finances allow. I said I have offered to help her get a place. Apparantly that was my mistake. I need to let her know i still care, and my goal is for our family to be reunited, but she has to decide to ask for the help. I told her if i try to get her to read this she will tell me to FO and leave her alone.
Well i was told to throw in the towel and walk away. I couldnt believe this women was saying this in front of my children! She said, "find a way to get her to read it". She then looked at the kids and asked them if they wanted to help. Of course they all said yes. So some ideas were thrown out on how to get mommy to read them. Here is what I decided to do.
I went to the store and bought 31 different cards, all about just thinking of you, friendship, caring, etc. 31 diffferent ones. Each day I will write a little note, put in 1 reason and then the kids will all put in a note and sign the card. We will maybe put in pictures of the family doing things, and maybe small gifts that would be normally exchanged between us and her. Everyday either I will put it on her car, the kids will give it to her at their visit or a family member will drop it off. But for the next 31 days she will recieve something.
This goes against everything i have been told to do up til now. I told the c that and that i didnt want to give the children false hope. She looked at the kids and asked them what they wanted, Mommy home or for us to just forget and moveon with out her. We all know what 4 children said. at the end of the session, i asked to speak to her privately. I said i dont want my children hanging on to false hope and that this would just piss their mom off as she will claim I am using the kids against her now. She looked me in the face, she said those kids need their mom and dad to fight for this. If they see me fight, they will know that is ok to fight for what we want. with my support, they would go after their dreams, if they continually hit a brick wall, well thats life, but they willhave me their right with them along the way. She said no matter what, this will be a good thing. If i had answered yes to the divorce question, she would have taken a different approach, but she feels the kids and i need too do this together if for nothing else but to bring us closer and to show us that we can do anything as a family unit. She told me that my w will for sure get angry, probably yell at me and get nasty with me, she might even stop dodging the D paperwork, but she wont throw the cards in the garbage, cause her kids have put their love into them. She might be angry and not read them, but if we stay consistant and make sure I follow through for the entire 31 days, at one point during that time, she will read them, she will see just how committed I am to the marriage and the family, and jut what she means to the family. She told me no women can just walk away from her family, her kids especially when their wasnt a period of hate or abuse or even fighting in the home. This was about her and her alone. I was just her excuse. If after 31 days this has made no change, and i want to finalize the D, we will switch gears and work through it, but if after that time I still cant say i want a D, we will try something different.
Come on people, no one seems to want to respond here on my posts. I know i am all over the place and they are long, but this one seems totally screwed up to me. Not sure if i can do this. I would appreciate any and all comments on this mess. Looking for some thoughts from all of you.
