Both kids said the biggest reason they don't want to forgive their dad is because he has never apologized to them. He has never shown remorse. I totally get that. It was what made it so hard for me too.
So anyway, that's my update. They believe it is still ALL ABOUT HIM. And they will NOT do it his way.
Barb
Barb, forgiveness is such a hard thing. I feel sad when I read "they don't want to forgive their Dad" because what they are holding on to is hurting them. So often we live our lives waiting for someone else to do the thing that we believe will set us free and they never do. In fact, they seem to be living just fine while we're wallowing in whatever dark feelings we're harbouring. The biggest reason they should forgive is for themselves, to lift that dark cloud. Dad is who he is and will most likely always be what he is. Forgiveness does not mean condoning, it means letting go of the need for that person to be what we want them to be. I guess my point is that they need forgive for themselves, not for him. It's easy to say but sometimes so hard to do. We as human beings sometimes amaze me at how we will continue to hold on to hurts that do nothing but keep us down. I think in the mind there's this little voice saying "If I let go, it will mean it didn't matter" Not so! Btw, were you able to share with the kids how you've been able to let go and what worked for you? Anyway, just some thoughts off the top of my head. Gotta get to my work now. Enjoy your holiday!
