Best suited here now

[TimeHeals]

I'm very clear on my boundaries, however, based on the info today.(What a day) My boundaries even come from anger. I get it.

Boundaries and Anger are two different things.

Healthy boundaries are about protecting yourself. If your own son had a heroin problem and was always stealing from you, a boundary might be "I will not live with a junkie who is not trying to get help and stealing from me".

You don't do this out of anger, but tough love. A junkie doesn't have good life prospects, and you are not willing to enable the destructive behavior.


Without boundaries or with poor personal boundaries you wind up fostering abusive and dysfunctional relationships in your life.

Anger is about fear at its root. You are angry that somebody didn't love and respect you.
An unconcious part of you is afraid nobody ever will love and respect you the way you want them to love and respect you. It's very primal.

That's an emotional pattern that happens in close personal relationships gone awry, and sometimes it even happens when they don't show love or respect the way we want to be shown love and respect. The anger is something that is not working for you here. Go ahead and feel it, but it should not dictate your actions.

Your principles should dictate your actions.

I am not going to tell you, however, that you should allow your wife who is cheating on you to come into your life and see your dogs just because that is what she wants. That would be a case of poor boundaries and is schockingly co-dependent IMO. If somebody is not respecting you, you don't invite them into your life. It's not good for you or them. Setting the boundary and enforcing it helps you both.

The anger, however, is counter productive if it influences any behavior on your part. You can let go of the anger, the fear, and so on. That's the first step in DBing: detachment. Feel the emotions, watch them, and let them go. Understand where they came from: she didn't love you and respect you the way you wanted her to love and respect you. It is what it is. Just accept these things.