I am vacationing with my 2 youngest in Nova Scotia. Rented a house which is so cool but also gives us each our own space. Each of us is contributing to making meals, cleaning up etc.
Last night after dinner and over a good bottle of wine, my son and I revisited his anger over his father's behaviour. He tells me he can't let go of the anger even though it has been 9 years. I talked to him about venting to others, having a heart to heart with his dad or writing it all down but not sending. I'm not sure if he will do this. We also talked about counselling again - even suggesting that he go with his dad so they can work something out. He did not sound open to it. I worry about the long term effects of the anger.
I told him that I was past it all and free of him but the kids were not and it really would be best to move forward with him from here. He again reminded me that if his dad had ended the marriage and then moved fwd - that would have been different but he made a huge mess of things and lied to him so many times that he just can't get past that. And does not want to. Younger sister (who stayed in the next room - she wanted to listen but not really participate in the conversation)agreed. She told me (for the first time) that she had found a card from maggie to Chuck early on (I never knew this before but had also seen the card) and that is how she knew he was cheating. She says the reason she does not want to have maggie in her life is because of the way she always taunted us. Brandon agrees, saying even his dad has now agreed that maggie left all kinds of clues in our house and cottage so they would be "found out"despite the fact she was married and had a son. She wanted out and wanted Chuck.
Both kids said the biggest reason they don't want to forgive their dad is because he has never apologized to them. He has never shown remorse. I totally get that. It was what made it so hard for me too.
I revisited the idea of them suggesting a vacation with him - just as they often do with me but perhaps like this one - renting a cottage or house so they had their own space - they think it is a great idea but not with maggie.
He just bought a new BMW convertible and showed it off to them. They were not impressed as he has regularly cried "poverty"since he left. Interesting how the second the youngest is no longer in school he runs out and does this. But oh well - I knew this was how it was (that he did have $ - I paid him out mega bucks) but now they know it too.
So anyway, that's my update. They believe it is still ALL ABOUT HIM. And they will NOT do it his way.
