Well, it`s obviously been some time since I posted.
And, since I let go.
Letting go meant me seeking legal separation(divorce takes four years after legal sep in this part of the world) H changed his mind about leaving us last Jan and, after he got a letter from my sol informing him of separation proceedings H started to attend psychotherapy.
I don`t know if he wants to save his marriage or his ass with the kids.
He says he wants to save the marriage.
He has done incredible work in the past few months.
Much more present around the house. Doing lots of the domestic stuff. Very much interacting with the kids.
But maybe that`s just a ploy to get custody of the kids/lower maintenance.
I don`t trust him so I can`t be sure.
Have to say, life at home is A LOT calmer.
H is bringing up the tough convos about saving our marriage. I`m listening, but not trusting.
Up until last week I was very very sure I no longer loved him after all that has happened in the past few years.
Now, I think maybe we could have a little chance.
But he has always played games. Always played yo yo with me, even before we were married. So I really don`t want to buy into that again.
I suppose I really feel damned either way. Damned if we legally separate(we`re separated in the same house still), damned if I go back to the same marriage again.
I have told him I admire him for all the changes he has made. My only positive comment to him in the past twelve months.
I`m holding on to my own changes since my DB days-superficial and also deeply spiritual ones. Glad of this path for teaching me so so much.
