So last night, I was reading a book upstairs, and my wife came into the bedroom. I asked her if she was going to finally explain why she was crying, and she said it was because she knew I wanted her to say ILY back to me.
And then I took the plunge. Told her that I hadn't said that to get a reaction. That I just felt that way when I said it, and that I know she doesn't feel it. That I understood that, that I don't know what I feel or want, if I want to keep trying to mend this relationship.
I said I understood how she felt, because I was feeling the same thing. Confused, unsure of us, tired of "trying." Not sure if I loved her anymore, or just wanted to hang on for the sake of hanging on. She asked how I could know, and I said that I'm not sure if I really love you, that I know you don't love me the way you want to.
She asked me why she couldn't be attracted to me. Why she couldn't change her feelings. That she wanted to sooo badly. I said I don't know, people change, we're not the same as when we dated and got engaged. She sat down and I could see the tension clearing from her face. I said feelings change, you were in a good mood this morning until you found out a job opening wasn't going to be there for you. Feelings change.
