It's taken too long for me to get here, but now I'm the WAS in my marriage. When my wife went away for the week to decide if she could really commit to reconciling, I had a lot of time to think about her, about what I wanted, and if we were even close to getting there. We've been going to MC for just over a month, with some good sessions that are helping us communicate and understand each other better. But she's been "stuck" trying to force herself to be attracted to me. And I think when you're stuck like that, you can't pull yourself out of the tar pit.
I had been growing pretty frustrated with the sitch as well, and had been spending more time with her than I thought was smart instead of doing more of my GAL activities.
But what was really keeping her stuck was feeling that all of this was about her changing her feelings; which while important for us reconciling, wasn't something she could do. And it all came to a head last night.
She had called me at work a few days ago, and though I don't know what part of the conversation encouraged me to do so, I told her ILY. And she started to cry, then said she had to go back to work. When I got home, I asked her why she had been crying, and she simply answered "Because..." and I let her off the hook.
Yesterday I met with my MC by myself and told him I was very discouraged, and not even sure I wanted to work anymore. That I wasn't myself around her, that I was bored... Bored... I see some of the things now that helped push me towards a World of Warcraft addiction. But that's for another day.
