I'll try to answer as best I can. I'm not sure whether I was a WAH or in MLC, maybe components of both. At the time I had no idea what these were, until I came to these boards.
I remember wondering what my purpose in life was, wondering what life would be like when my oldest daughter left the home, wondering about making my fortune, getting older, my relationship with God - whether I was "good" enough. I was unsatisfied and restless inside. These may have been components of MLC I suppose.
I also began to contact old friends from high school on Facebook, including my first love. Back then, we were very much in love and passionate, you know how it was when we were young and the first time. I had a hard time getting over her, and never dated again until I met my wife. I carried something in a part of my heart for her all this time, not openly, but it was buried.
Anyway, I got in touch with her and things seemed to pick up where they left off. I quickly became emotionally involved. Our affair only lasted a few months and we only physically met for a weekend. I had lost all perspective. I didn't consider my wife, or my kids, or anything, except to get my high.
My wife found out, which helped take the fantasy away. I now had to think about what I was doing. For a little while, I didn't care as I was deeply involved. I said many hurtful things to my wife - all the scripted stuff WAW say when they want out. I didn't mean to hurt her intentionally, I thought I was being honest. In my delusion, I had forgetten all the good times with my wife and kids.
I was ready to move out but at the last minute, I changed my mind. I was confused. I knew it was wrong. So we broke it off cold turkey. I thought I was going to die but I stuck it out. After awhile, my head cleared and my perspective changed.
I really did a 360. I realized my wife and family meant the world to me. I saw this in a new and deeper way, a way that I only scratched the surface of before. I realized how much I loved my wife and what she contributed to our lives. Throughout this ordeal, I saw many things which I had failed in. I was filled with remorse.
My wife then became the walkaway. I have wondered if this did kick off a MLC for her. On bad days, I sometimes wonder whether this was in her heart all along. She seems to be having the time of her life now.
Some things that she did, which made me want her so much more: She stopped trying to win me back. She let me go. She somehow was able to disguise her pain (she did get angry for awhile) but she never let me see her cry and wasn't clingy. She didn't drop the ball with the kids or her responsibilties. She bought a whole new wardrobe - it was a new look. She changed her looks - hairstyle, makeup. She began to go out on her own, all dressed up and looking good. I knew guys would be hitting on her and that gets to a man. She lost weight. She exuded confidence, and was more outgoing - but not to me. She made new friends. She cut me off.
I know as standers some of these things may go against your beliefs and I can't tell you what to do here, only my experience. Prayerfully find your answers.
