"that question is like asking me whether i want to die by lethal injection or firing squad."
And yet in real life.. depending on who you are.. this could be a legitimate question. One that would need answering. Basically all you are saying to me.. as you have been all along.. is.. I am scared. When you should be looking at which way out is more "comfortable".
"i don't want my old marriage."
Then don't strive to revive.. what you had.
"a new marriage to h?"
This is not really a question. It is a statement. The marriage you had was gone the millisecond he left. Trust me on that.
"you carry the baggage with you to your new m. can i let it go? i have shown so far that after 9 months, the anger is still raw and abundant. i don't want to be in a marriage where i'm constantly looking over my shoulder."
Does a squash player carry the weight of the last opponent they lost to into a new match?
They do if they want to loose.
"and what does being right get me? being right got me dumped and alone. and likely be for the rest of my life. as catastrophic as that sounds, i'm not sure if i want another r. i would not want a repeat of this. i know you might think that it won't happen if i do the work, but everyone is different and the next r may bring out other things that causes the r to fail. i don't want to go through life fixing myself after every failed r."
So.. you don't want to fail? Then how will you learn? Or.. how do you learn? As a kid.. did you ride a bike? Did you climb a fence? At some point.. you have to have failed. You are human. (I think)
A smart person would tell you not to get into a R until you are fixed. Imagine that.
"Blah.. Blah.. Blah"
"i don't know if that answers your question FG."
For the sake of this place (DB.com) no it does not. It just reaffirms the thought I have had all along.
You are "stuck". You are scared. You want to find an easy way out. But your "heart" keeps you looking... for the easy way.
One day that will change.
You have become the "emotional" wreck that you saw in him.
One day that will change.
He is not that different now.. than he was then. Your perspective has changed.. cause you never expected it.
You never expected him to stand up and walk out.
You have to look at the situation.. and think. I cannot do it for you.
You need a little bit of "drama" in your life.
Pick something..
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
