Thanks for stopping by. I feel like I've been watching paint dry these days! XH is SUCH a slow learner. I guess I need to look at where the situation is now, as compared to where it was 4 months ago (Cas, like you, my XH made a lot of forward movement over the past 4 months.....but it is painstakingly slow progress). I feel like I am firmly in the friend zone. I need to somehow try to move this forward into the romantic zone from here.....this was Jody's advice the last time we spoke. If anyone has ideas, I'm wide open to them. Wondering why I even care at this point......but I've always been like a dog with a bone. For better or worse, I have never been a quitter.
Update: I went to visit X-MIL at the hospital last night. It was nice. She is very fun to visit with and we joked with the staff. Watched funny YouTube videos on my laptop using the hospital's wireless. Took photo of X-MIL and sent it to XH and X-SIL. X-SIL really liked it.
Met XH to play table tennis this evening. Played for 1 1/2 hours, then chatted for 1/2 hour. XH really opened up to me about his frustrations, like he would to a friend. Talked a lot about BMF's son who is having problem graduating from college after 5 years has 1 class left and it's unclear whether he is going to finish, is depressed (on Paxil), has been gambling online (BMF is proud of his son for winning at gambling), can't find a job, and uses dope. XH sees himself in a mentoring role with BMF's son (that's XH --- son of an alcoholic who is a perennial "fixer").
XH seemed down. I asked about it. He said he was frustrated that he was having trouble getting motivated to work on a work deadline coming up in 2 weeks. I wondered if he was depressed about OW#2 withdrawal, but I don't really know if their R has ended. XH told me his business partner thinks that OW#2 sent me the package and laughed at the term I used to describe the sender (bunny boiler). XH told me that he keeps his cell phone locked, so OW#2 couldn't have found my cell phone number in his phone. That would mean that she may not have seen the texts and emails I sent XH. If that's the case, then she had other reasons to feel insecure about me, so that is interesting.
We talked about the personnel problems he is having with his business right now......Then XH started talking about 1 or 2 female "friends" he had met (this smacks of online dating to me-----Arghhhhh!!!!!!!) who have very difficult lives (the rescuer in him is coming out). He told me about a female MD that he had been friends with (XH didn't know that I know this is OW#1) who was "crazy". In his mind she was a bunny boiler............I didn't know he thought she was "crazy", so this means that both OW#1 and OW#2 are probably bunny boilers. We talked a bit about how many people have mental health problems and I said that that is why I am not dating right now (probably bad DB'ing). Then I said "I thought YOU were normal". I said it in a DB'ing, positive reinforcement kind of way, but I think XH may have thought that I criticizing him. He made a face.
I asked XH about his meeting with BMF in which he tried to determine whether BMF sent the package. XH believes BMF when he said that he didn't send the package, but XH still sounds like he doesn't trust BMF 100% (as he used to do).......so even though BMF and XH have reconciled, their trust has not been restored.
Tomorrow I have an appointment with the handwriting expert and I told XH this (I'll post an update tomorrow). XH brought a hair sample from OW#2 (like he said he would). I talked to the forensic scientist a few days ago and decided only to do writing and fingerprint analysis and asked XH if he had samples of this from OW#2. He said he didn't. I said "I'm doing the analysis to find out if there's someone out there that I don't know about who is threatening, but if there is a bunny boiler, YOU are actually the person who is in greater danger". XH said kind of sheepishly (like it had just dawned on him) "Thanks a lot......."
We hugged and got in our cars and drove away.
I'm frustrated that I feel stuck in the friend zone. Open to suggestions for moving out of this stage from others who have succeeded. Since it sounds like he is meeting people with emotional problems, the best strategy might be to continue being kind, consistent, and fun, so that he can see the contrast with the OW he is meeting. Thinking I might e-mail XH to ask if he wants to go biking or to a movie this weekend, since he has initiated table tennis the last 2-3 times. Any ideas? Are there any men out there with ideas????
GAG
Last edited by goodattitudegirl; 09/30/1003:25 AM.
