Albuquerque living

[Albuquerque]

Journaling,

After yesterday's contact with H, I had made a conscious effort to go as dim as possible. Well that was short lived. He texted me early this afternoon just some random silly text about the weather and asked me something. I waited a bit and gave a brief response. Then later, he emailed me a link of a video he thought I might enjoy. I didn't respond. Then at about 9pm, he texts me and asks whether we were home. I already knew he had to spend a few days in a nearby city a couple of hours away. Apparently, he was leaving tonight and asked if it was OK for him to "stop by and say hi". I told him that was fine.

That was just weird. It's actually been quite awhile since he's actually come to the house. He hasn't seemed to want to even come to the house and much prefers to meet us at restaurants even though sometimes, he drives right by the house. I don't mention it, but it's just something I've filed away. So for him to want to "stop by" for no obvious reason made my skeptic radar start working overtime.

When he showed up, D and I were on the couch and neither one of us got up to greet him. He looked very ragged. Circles under the eyes, poorly dressed, wrinkled clothes, shirt not well buttoned. Kind of sad. He didn't really seem to have an agenda. He just kind of stood and talked. One of the first questions he asked me was whether we had gone out to eat or whether I had cooked shrimp scampi. I had cooked it earlier in the day and it was such a success that I posted something on FB. I guess that piqued his curiosity. I told him I made it, it was a success, and gave him a few to try (he liked them). I hated cooking when we were married and so he did most of the cooking. He was a good cook and enjoyed it. I think to see me cooking, cooking well, and enjoying it is a bit odd for him.

I just paused in my typing. As I went back and reread what I just typed, I was taken aback by my statement "when we were married". We are still married. I guess I just consider that marriage over. Interesting revelation. Sorry for the digression.

ANYHOW, he then proceeded to ask me how much of his work gossip he's told me (not much), and then he went on about a lot of it. I asked some questions about some things and he seemed eager to chat. Then we briefly got on some philosophical topic (don't really remember how we got on that topic). We've always enjoyed having philosophical debates. That went on for a few minutes and my D joined in a bit as well (we've raised her to be skeptical). He asked me where I got the large bruise on my foot. I said I didn't know. The TRUTH is that I got that it during my pole dancing class today learning how to do a pole sit (very hard!). That is MY funny story and not one I needed to share with him I gave him some mail that was piling up here and then he said he needed to get on the road. He told me he would be coming back on Sunday and that he'd give me a call when he left. WHY?! I dunno, so that I can know when the husband who doesn't live with me is going back to the home I don't share?! All I can do is find the humor.

I don't know what to make of his visit. I'm not really going to dwell on it. I suppose it was a touch and go. He doesn't look well at all. He's still very broken. I have no expectations.