I'm back :( Not sure if I belong in MLC though

[JenniferA]

Really? From here it looks like you still have some work to do hon ...

Yes, you are correct. These are all just feelings I am having right now. But you are right...I have much work to do in the self esteem department.

Jennifer ... I could sugar coat this and say nice sweet things, but a) it’s not really my style , and b) that probably won’t help you out any. So ...

Your emotions are still so wrapped up in H.

Very true. I guess because this is so recent and sudden and I need to re-learn detachment - however it may seem that I felt something wasn't right all along.

If your self confidence is in the toilet then it was still tied to something outside yourself. Why?

Great question...something I need to work on.

I get that you were upset ... but yes, you could help it. You chose to “blow a gasket”. You chose to let your emotions rule your behaviour. As adults we make choices, some of them easier and more natural than others. This was a choice. Is it a choice you want to continue to make?

I completely agree that I chose to do so. I was upset...someone at the MMA school said something that led me to believe H might have said something about our sitch to the guys there. It set me off because he isn't telling them the truth...he's telling him that "we are having problems at home" That upsets me because I have grown to really fond of the people/family at MMA and have always felt so "at home" there. Now..I'm beginning to feel like an outsider because it's HIS place and they will believe him when he starts blaming me for all this crap - because he's too embarrassed to say what he's done wrong. It's just upsetting, that's all. And I know....it's all speculation...but I upset myself thinking about it.

Your H does have a right to his feelings ... you don’t have to agree with them, you don’t have to condone them, but he still has a right to feel how he feels. That does not obliterate your right to feel the way you do. This can’t be a pissing contest ... this can’t be “who hurt who more” ...

Of course he has a right to his feelings, I wasn't telling him he didn't...that was him saying that as an excuse for the wrong that he has done now.

At this time in the game what I think most would tell you to do is validate. Listen and validate. Yes this should be a two way street but when someone is trying to voice their feelings your first response can’t be to counter with yours. IMO, it comes across as blaming.

Allow me to explain that this was all via text...and it was all HIS reaction to ME voicing my feelings. Not the other way around. HE turned it into a pissing contest.

An alien? MLC? Selfishness? Does it really matter? You need to turn your focus to you and truly look in the mirror and find the woman Jennifer wants to be. Dig her out, clean her closets, dust her off and stand her up.

Agreed.


I need to read and catch up on your sitch Thanks for being here for me and for caring.