Here's a story...of a very sad lady

[Dagny-2]

I just saw the new takes on GAL -- very clever! A new approach to this drama!

Hi NCU, I'm always astonished how similar all this is, though some drug addicts take years, if ever, to recover. I don't know if I have the hope that he will come back, or if I want him back. And I love Sam Cooke! He is one of my favorites -- though it was our wedding song, but I refuse to let that ruin my love for his music.

Last night when H got here I high-tailed it out of here for divorcecare. He gave me an odd look, like he was surprised that I didn't want to chat. I only told him what he needed to know for studying, what time I would be home and left. When I got home, he did the same thing. But then less than 5 minutes later he called to relay some information. Talked long enough to exchange information and no longer. Though did learn that H changed the weekend plans for S13's birthday. S13 wanted the 4 of us to go out to dinner, something I didn't want to do, but C said if it is what S wants, we should do it. However, H made sure to talk S out of it. I'm just annoyed that H couldn't respect S's wishes. I'm glad I won't have to have dinner with him, though. I sad nothing, though, to H about his bullying S to get his way.

H picked the boys' brains for my plans last night, H learned from S13 that we are thinking of leaving at Thanksgiving and that I want to take the boys on a cruise. When I got home and as soon as H left, S11 disolved in tears, he was so confused about everything and what will happen in the future. I had him call H, let H hear it directly from S, they try to protect H and not tell him his feelings. I didn't talk to H.

H wants to talk about plans, fortunately I had a full day of conference calls and did not take his call and didn't answer when he called this evening and the kids weren't home. We had some email exhanges, but H refused to tell me what his plans are or what he wants from us. I was hoping to get it in writing that I can take the kids back to PA. No such luck. I don't want to talk to him, because he can later twist words around.

He says this is all my call, so I wonder if I'm going to truly let go and truly drop the rope, then I should be moving back to PA and get on with my life and leave him here in TN with his mistress to choke on his freedom. But pulling the kids from school and interrupting their education aren't choices I can make lightly.

So, he is too wimpy to end his M before moving on, he is too wimpy to make a decision about his kids -- he wouldn't even tell me what his plans are for seeing them once we move. I don't get it, that is what he wants, why doesn't he have a plan? Or he does and he isn't sharing. I get why he wouldn't share his plans with OW, but he has had to think about the kids.

Dagny

[NotCrackingUp]

Hi Dagny

He sounds like a selfish, immature ba***rd, but so does mine, when I talk about what he does. Our situations are 1000s of km apart, but how similar! My H's life when he doesn't have the kids is a complete mystery to me. He is very unforthcoming about his free nights, especially about weekends. But I ask NO questions (that way I'll be told no more lies than strictly necessary).However, HE asks ME what I'm at, where I'm going. And also checks it out with the 2 younger children.

It sounds as if your H (much like mine) would actually like you to hang about on hold until he decides if he really wants this OW long term or not.As a kind of "hedged bet". Where the hell does that leave you? He wants you to take responsibility for ending the marriage? Wants your boys to see you as the one churning up their lives? The less you see of him/speak to him the better, for the moment.For your sanity. I really feel for you. I often have to pinch myself to believe the a man I loved so much and who loved me could turn out this way. But it's only a stage in his life. One way or another, this'll pass.
NCU