Thanks you all! The past couple of days I have been so busy at home and work that I haven't had much of a time to worry or think about H or M. H mailed me an envelope and I thought I would have a heart attack prior to opening it. It was just more receipts and benign things. I thought it would be divorce papers or letter. Thanks goodness it wasn't. Didn't need it at this point in time.
Has anyone else experienced this? Now that I know there is at least one OW - it's easier to let go. I'm not sure why - before it was the prostitutes and such - I have been in such a cesspool that it is just easier to let go. Word on the street is H has been walking around work like an arrogant jerk. Sounds like MLC to me! Saw my IC today and was asking about my difficulty in getting angry. She asked me what I thought the reason was and I said that I had really been trying to figure out if I just have a high tolerance for crazy given my upbringing or if I was anger avoidant. I am not sure yet - maybe a bit of both. Either way I have felt some moments of healing over the last couple of days that feel really good! Maybe overindulging on Saturday and sobbing my eyes out helped:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Wow - am I glad this site is back. While you were gone...
H told kids he is dating a bartender! She is around his age. H never went to bars - MLC H goes to biker bars! Wake me up - who is this person???
Me? I am trying to be better...do better! I am trying to stay stable for my S and girls. I'm trying to be more productive at work. I am trying to stay busy - stay calm - stay centered. Some days I am more successful than others!
I think I am still somewhat in denial. I haven't let go emotionally yet - at least not all the way. I have made strides but not there totally yet. I wonder what it really means. Does it mean you are no longer standing? I know that I cannot engage him in conversations at this point. I am not healed enough. I worked with my IC today and she asked me why I am so afraid of getting angry with H. I really don't know exactly how to answer it - but I am convinced that no good can come from me engaging in exchanges with a sick person. Even though he may not be engaging in the phone sex hookups or PAs - he is involved with this new woman (bartender) - while he is still legally married to me.
I just want to live a clean life and enjoy my friends and family.
So that's my update...
Hope all is well with you friends!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I don’t see you denying that your H is in a crisis
I don’t see you denying that this stuff is tough
I don’t see you denying that he has an OW
I don’t see you denying that YOU have not detached enough yet
What I do see…is you are doing the best you can.
Quote:
I just want to live a clean life and enjoy my friends and family
Then just do it! You do not NEED your H to enjoy life….
Nice to see you back!
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I've missed you guys so much. Even though I have been busier than a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. I realized for the first time yesterday that I AM HAPPY. What's up with that?
Irish, you are not in denial, you are doing great. You know who you are, and who you want to be, something our MLC H's don't. Get out and enjoy LIFE. There are so many things to do this time of year. I went to the Homecoming football game Friday night. First time I'd been to a game since my D24 was a cheerleader. I had a great time.
I am so, I guess the word would be, comfortable, with where I am, and you can be too. Knowing who you are is half the battle. Don't know where you are, but in two weeks I'm going to the biggest frickin Arts & Crafts Fair in the World. No schift. Wish you were here to go with me.
