Hmmm, interesting that she wasn't excited about the D lol.
I am glad you are at peace.
It is very emotionally exhausting. That's why it's so important to take care of yourself, to eat well, exercise, get enough sleep and make time for fun stuff to help recharge your batteries.
Who knows what the exchange will bring. We can all speculate, but it's a waste of energy to try and predict and mind-read. The important thing is just to communicate where you are to her. Being tired of being stuck in limbo is very natural.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Well, you surprised her. I think that's pretty obvious. She wasn't expecting it.
Whether it was surprised in a good or bad way (from a R standpoint) time will tell. She could be relieved that you won't fight her about it, or she could be disappointed. She could refile for D, or she could spend a lot of time thinking about what she'll be giving up and the future that she'll lose out on. Time will tell. And her actions will tell more than anything she did or didn't say.
As I said before, it's all speculation and mind-reading. Now it's time to go do some fun GAL stuff while you leave her to mull over your surprising remarks.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I called W today to ask a question about something charged on the credit card. I wasn't sure what it was about. It turned out she charged her college books on the card. When I asked her, she was silent. Probably didn't know how I'd react. But when I said I was glad she was in school and doing well, the countenance in her voice changed and she was very pleasant.
We chatted about her school, about my plans to pay off most of our debts after I leave active duty. At no time did she bring up D. I guess I wanted to show her that she had nothing to fear about me no matter what she chooses to do, that I still care for the welfare of the family regardless.
I reminded her that I was coming up to see the boys in about a week, and she was OK with that. I just talk to her to rebuild that friendship. No expectations. Just want to be a friend.
JR
Me:44 WAW:43 Children S13,S11,S7 Married 17 yrs W left JUN 08 W filed JAN 09 D proceedings dismissed AUG 09 W refiles 1 MAR 11
I always joke about how living with someone with PTSD gives you PTSD (especially if they also go the alcoholic route like my XH did). In some ways it sounds like she's still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like you are too good to believe.
Glad you guys had a nice chat. Those are good values to be demonstrating.
So exciting that you get to see the kids again so soon. I'm sure everyone is so excited about that!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
When you go up to see the boys you give her the "bomb."
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Coach - don't know if you saw, but he did drop the D word on her on the phone last week. She was silent.
JR - I think what Coach is getting at is setting some time aside to talk to her. To really shake up the status quo. To begin the process of moving on.
Maybe something along the lines of: I'm not sure if this is what I want anymore. My M and family are very important to me, and I'm willing to work on any issues and make our life better, but I don't think I can be S from you any longer. I feel I have been patient and I do understand why you felt you had to leave. But I also feel I have worked on those issues. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. For the last two years, I haven't felt like you want to be with me, so maybe it's better to formalize our S and file for D.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Coach - don't know if you saw, but he did drop the D word on her on the phone last week. She was silent.
JR - I think what Coach is getting at is setting some time aside to talk to her. To really shake up the status quo. To begin the process of moving on.
Maybe something along the lines of: I'm not sure if this is what I want anymore. My M and family are very important to me, and I'm willing to work on any issues and make our life better, but I don't think I can be S from you any longer. I feel I have been patient and I do understand why you felt you had to leave. But I also feel I have worked on those issues. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. For the last two years, I haven't felt like you want to be with me, so maybe it's better to formalize our S and file for D.
yes, that's it but the talk isn't about how JR feels or if he is unsure. It's what he thinks, has decided, needs to do etc. She needs to feel it.
Once he thinks he has the confidence to let go then his delivery can be tweaked. I think his wife will let limbo go on as long as she is comfortable in the current sitch. Jr makes sure you have addressed all the issues your W has raised so that you are prepared for her pushing back.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
What do you mean by " W pushing back"? I didn't understand that part.
The Bomb sounds like a radical move. Kind of like a No Turning Back strategy...I will folow suit if you and Michelle think this may turn things around and shake the status quo. Maybe I'm too chicken. either way, DB isn't for the faint hearted, right? Go to make it happen if you want results.
Thanks Coach and Michelle for chiming in.
JR
Me:44 WAW:43 Children S13,S11,S7 Married 17 yrs W left JUN 08 W filed JAN 09 D proceedings dismissed AUG 09 W refiles 1 MAR 11
