Do I want them to change? Of course! All of us here would like our spouses to love them again.
then give her what she wants, agree with her, validate her feelings, take all the pressure off her, let her pursue you
You act like the WAS. My point earlier about when FMV was when did she start making the healthy changes for herself? AFTER THE BOMB.
Pinhead you are making huge progress. I can read it in your posts and post to others. Once you let go of the outcome it becomes so easy to just focus on doing what you need to do for you. Making goals keeps you focused. Plan for parallel outcomes. Decide to arrive a better man regardless of the outcome. You can handle it.
I know this, it's just that what works in piecing seems like it should be different than getting her to work on the relationship. That's naive I guess. It's hard to know what's okay when she's a WAW but detrimental when she's here.
And in a way, I am the WAS right now. I'm torn between giving up and moving on to the next chapter of my life without her, or sucking it up and making it work though I have big reservations about our relationship.
