I'm now healing and moving forward

[PEI]

hey Epic ... I mean Eric ... they did tell you there wasn't an award for longest post right? JK ...

To steal from B-lady ... keep on keepin' on my friend ...

(((hugs)))
T

[LanceSijan]

Eric

My only comment is that your wife has no clue what being divorced is going to look like, she admits that in what she has said to you.

She has needs, and you are filling them.
What will it look like when you stop?

[smith18]

"I would warn you not to do some of the stupid things you did – like go off road in a new jeep – ya did anyway" (FTR, my response was that was stupidity on my part)

Uh, I think that it is required by "man law" for all men to "break in" a new jeep this way.

[PEI]

"I would warn you not to do some of the stupid things you did – like go off road in a new jeep – ya did anyway" (FTR, my response was that was stupidity on my part)

Uh, I think that it is required by "man law" for all men to "break in" a new jeep this way.

Actually Kerry ... I think it might be "Jeep Law" ... who buys a jeep to stick to the interstate? Not this chick!

[Truegritter]

her comments it’s clear that she still feels that she did all that she could do to try and save the M.

This is key because I think the rest to come after was YOU trying to convince her YOU did all YOU could.

We never really stop DBing because it is a good guide for life IMO.

Actions not words...

“did you not think it was over when I said it was? Did you not believe me”

This is the biggest thing I see Eric. In her mind all this is you controlling everything not listening to her. Not hearing her.

So when you said all those things to her about you admitting your faults etc.

It was more of you not listening. The only way she got your attention was to file the D.

You want more proof?

“I warned you that I would bury my love for you if you continued on going out after work to “network” and continue one”

This is about power and punishment Eric. That is what I see.

Don't waste one wisp of your breath arguing what kind of man you've become or regrets you have.

like this

…my response….”no I did – what I was trying to do was give you the space you needed to figure your own chit out. I also took that time to work on me and it was the best thing I ever did.

She is not ready to see it.

I know you have done this work man. I know what kind of man you are now

and

“I would warn you not to do some of the stupid things you did – like go off road in a new jeep – ya did anyway” (FTR, my response was that was stupidity on my part)

and

“I lost myself in the M…all I did was take care of you”

She is blaming you. Not taking any responsibility.

And she won't until she's ready...

This not all your fault Eric. People live and grow. People make mistakes.

You have attoned for yours. You now how I know?

Because you are still here. You are not making those mistakes. You are good father. A good husband.

A good man. You are not that guy anymore and it doesn't matter that she doesn't see it.

It only matters that you know it.

And be good to yourself you deserve it.

[Albuquerque]

Eric,

You've given me some good food for thought on my own threads. I'm sorry you're in this situation. But as you so aptly put it so often, this is tough chit. Keep focused on YOU and keep being a great father. I can see you are being the best you can be.

[dl443322]

Yep, I agree with True.

Sweetie, your happiness should not be tied to anyone but yourself.

And while I understand you needed to say all that, really I do, please know that she probably wasnt ready to hear it.

Now you've said it, right? So now you have to get back on the path and continue moving forward.

You will know which way to go when you are supposed to.

Hang in there, my friend.

[fisherman]

her comments it’s clear that she still feels that she did all that she could do to try and save the M.

This is key because I think the rest to come after was YOU trying to convince her YOU did all YOU could.

We never really stop DBing because it is a good guide for life IMO.

Actions not words...

“did you not think it was over when I said it was? Did you not believe me”

This is the biggest thing I see Eric. In her mind all this is you controlling everything not listening to her. Not hearing her.

So when you said all those things to her about you admitting your faults etc.

It was more of you not listening. The only way she got your attention was to file the D.

You want more proof?

“I warned you that I would bury my love for you if you continued on going out after work to “network” and continue one”

This is about power and punishment Eric. That is what I see.

Don't waste one wisp of your breath arguing what kind of man you've become or regrets you have.

like this

…my response….”no I did – what I was trying to do was give you the space you needed to figure your own chit out. I also took that time to work on me and it was the best thing I ever did.

She is not ready to see it.

I know you have done this work man. I know what kind of man you are now

and

“I would warn you not to do some of the stupid things you did – like go off road in a new jeep – ya did anyway” (FTR, my response was that was stupidity on my part)

and

“I lost myself in the M…all I did was take care of you”

She is blaming you. Not taking any responsibility.

And she won't until she's ready...

This not all your fault Eric. People live and grow. People make mistakes.

You have attoned for yours. You now how I know?

Because you are still here. You are not making those mistakes. You are good father. A good husband.

A good man. You are not that guy anymore and it doesn't matter that she doesn't see it.

It only matters that you know it.

And be good to yourself you deserve it.

That right there is freakin awesome.

Eric, you ARE a good man, and I know you don't have any problems with being open about how you feel. Normally that is a wonderful thing, with mlc, it can come back to bite you.

Not trying to be a downer. I just wanted to caution you about being too open with her at this time, especially the legal side of everything. I wouldn't share anything with her from that side at all.

Yes, she managed to sit calmly and speak about this which is a positive thing, but as Grit pointed out, she is not ready to to see things things for what they really are or more importantly take a look at herself.

And yes, conversations like this can sort of spin you out emotionally. If she isn't ready to hear it, then there isn't any sense in laying it all out there for her and hopping back on the coaster.

[ericmsant2]

All

I have been reading my old thread the past few days and decided to add them to my current thread in the hope that maybe it will help someone esle.

What I can say having read these again is….Wow…what a journey it has been.

As I am sure most of you already know….Be warned….before reading these…they are NOT G rated.

My very first thread….entitled “Help – I’m new to this”
A very short thread…
1st Thread

My second thread…entitled “Thinking of calling it a day and filing LS” FTR, I went through the “I’m done” moments probably about 5 times. So when one of you newbies are posting that your done – I’ve been their done that. This is the phase that I like to call…”you’re really pissed off and you just want to say F it”.
2nd Thread

My Third thread….entitled “what should I do”. If anyone want’s see fear, anger, panic all mixed in one – go read this thread. A very interesting debate on if one should confront the spouse about a PA. At the end of this thread it is interesting…I can see now where I started to change, albeit small changes…but changes none the less. I have to say reading this thread was so inspirational.
3rd Thread

My fourth Thread entitle “struggling with hope”. Interesting to read this now. I can see my cycling, I can see some growth, I can still see anger I can see the struggle. Man, change is hard!
4th Thread

My 5th thread….”I’m back and finding me”…a little bit of the “I’m done phase” going on as well as some real realizations of where I am/was at that time.
5th Thread

In all of these thread you will see just how crazy MLC is. Some of the comments my W has made over the past year really just amaze me.

I hope that these post will help someone.

What I will say to all newbies....

Never give up on YOURSELF

We all have the strength to become what we want to be

Never say never

and remeber....Love really does conquer all!

Cat - thank you for your inspiring post that really made me go back and read these. Thank you.

God Bless,
Eric

[dl443322]

Yep, you've come a long way, my friend. So happy for you.

You are a special man. Dont ever forget it.

Now, when are we going on the cyclone? Or are ya chicken? Just sayin.