At some point we will need to sit down and discuss divorce agreements and things related to custody, etc. How should I go about that? I will be attending the required coparenting class Oct 8, hers is Nov 4. Should I wait a bit and schedule a day to discuss only that or just send messages regarding it? I'm concerned all my efforts will go to waste if I have a sit down too soon. Advice?
You don't need to talk about anything from the coparenting class. There is nothing to discuss there.
Let the attorneys handle as much of the divorce agreements as you are comfortable with.
Regarding custody arrangements, we HAD to go to a mediation session for that and the mediator kept us on topic.
You can talk with her if you think you need to, but just stick to the topic aand your guns. Don't cave in on anything.
My W's fallback is "I can't help it, that's just what the court ordered. They do this all the time and they know what is right." Our child custody mediator said we should change our placement arrangement as soon as we agreed upon it to make the transitioin easier for the kids, but W won't do it "until the court order is changed" at our next hearing, which was just delayed another 3 weeks. I am using her logic back on her when she asks for me to pay for certain things for the kids. "I am already overpaying you based on "normal" standards for child-support and alimony. The court order does not say anything about "sharing" other expenses and I want to stick to the court order until it is changed."
If there is something my kids really need, I will buy it if I have to, but everything else is going to be paid for by her until we change the placement arrangements as agreed to.
Just be businesslike in any of your dealings with her. You can do this and you will be fine.
Best thing I can tell you from what I have learned from here in the simplest form..."If you feel like you want to/have to/should do....Don't"
If it's a "feeling" prompting it, don't let the feeling drive your actions
A lot of these "feelings" are part of the unconcious emotional patterns that got you to where you are posting here in the first place. They are feelings, so feel them, but don't let your ego fool you into acting on your feelings. Know your principles, and do what is neccessary while sticking to those. That makes it easier in more trying times.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Best thing I can tell you from what I have learned from here in the simplest form..."If you feel like you want to/have to/should do....Don't"
If it's a "feeling" prompting it, don't let the feeling drive your actions
A lot of these "feelings" are part of the unconcious emotional patterns that got you to where you are posting here in the first place. They are feelings, so feel them, but don't let your ego fool you into acting on your feelings. Know your principles, and do what is neccessary while sticking to those. That makes it easier in more trying times.
I secured all important documents in a location wife does not know about. She discovered I'd months later, and was upset about not having access to kids SSNs and birth certificates.
W text-Why r u hiding that stuff from me? I'm just entitled to it as you
A little while Later she texted, I'm prob keeping van, so you'll have to get another vehicle
The reason she said that was a while ago I had asked if we could swap cars during / after divorce temporarily to help transport kids. Obvously I see now that can't work, as I don't want to have to depend on her... She'll just be in a position to make things tough on me if she chooses.
I did send her one text telling her I would get the kid's SSNs for her. I left them with a cert copy of each of our 4 kids birth certificates on the counter and wrote a note asking for copies of shot records.
I went to bed and fell asleep fine. I got up, showered and went through the daily ritual of getting kids from school... Still no words, just a cold breeze whistling by from where her heart once was. As she drove away, she texted, I'll be moving out Nov 1st, just to let you know, In meantime I'll stay out of your hair, ttyl, have a good day.
Hours later she sent a repeat text informing me again of how she would be watching the kids this day, that day and dropping them off that day, etc.
In the evening she inquired, How R Babies?
No response from me! I figure, if there's an issue, I'll be in touch, which I advised her of previously. Not falling for that crap. Alot of times she asks about the kids after they r in bed. She may be legitimately wondering about them, but I'm still not responding right now.
After my hell ride the past few days of trying to cope with my sitch, I'm going to tell you what I think I've finally learned.
Don't allow your anger to be the feeling that drives the no contact. The anger will gradually seep in and if she finds that button, you will go off. You need to focus on your kids and then start doing things YOU want to go do, be happy while doing it.
Do not allow yourself to dwell on what SHE might be thinking or how she's going to come at you either, because you will see some strange things and if you are not acting from a good place it can get ugly quick. Always act confident and show her no weakness. My god it's easier to write this than do it though
I see it in your comments just as clearly as it has been seen by others in mine. Do not let the anger seep in friend. GAL and focus on you.
Ok you gotta help me with this one! I'm more curious then anything really. I worked last night passed her without words. I get home and realize she didn't even sleep in our bed, even though I wasn't in it or even home. My guess is she slept on the couch... Lol why?
There could be a zillion reasons, none of which might occur to you or I. The obvious one, is that she did not want to be in the marital bed for one reason or another. Who knows?
