Nowdays I don’t have the urge to make my partner into a “better person” - he is doing a great job on his own. My plan is not to have a plan. I don’t need to worry about what he should wear, what he should eat and what he should spend his time on. I feel safe and secure knowing that relinquishing that control gives me the freedom and the happiness that I really desire. I use the energy I would exert on fixing my partner on doing things that make me feel good. I don’t need to know what is going to happen next and only focus on what is happening right now. And most importantly I trust that as long as you remain authentic in that relationship; no matter if it lasts a lifetime or ends tomorrow that you did the best you knew how, with who you were at that given point in time – and that is more than enough.
I'm not feeling to urge to change M, but where my control freakiness is coming is is the "need" to know where the R is going etc. It's helpful to see this as a control issue and I've struggled with this in the past, not just in Rs but other areas of my life (stressing about what is going to happen in the future instead of focusing on the present).
Last edited by flowmom; 09/29/1005:00 PM.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
