putting my big girl panties on

[flowmom]

I want to share some things that I wrote to a friend about my decision to (foolishly?) start dating.

friend said that she is realizing how bad her marriage was

Me too . And enjoying normal companionship with men who don't have contempt for me and my feelings makes me realize how low my expectations got in my M . It feels SO GOOD to make love, enjoy simple activities, share a bed for the night, have a reciprocal interest and curiosity about one another.

friend asked how I knew I was ready to date, and if others discouraged me

No, actually I got encouragement. People did think I was ready. No one encouraged me to "jump into" anything, but I think my supporters wanted me to break the "hold" that stbxh had on me. And they were right.

Frankly, I didn't really feel that I was ready. But I was SO preoccupied with wanting sex and male companionship that it was getting ridiculous. Yup. I'm embarassed but that's the truth. I decided that I just couldn't shut off that part of myself for a minute longer. It had been MANY YEARS.

friend wonders if she is blind to the possibility of other men

I know that was the case for me. Even a couple of months ago I thought I couldn't be attracted to another man, or that I couldn't "feel that way" about another man. And now stbxh is almost chopped liver to me. Ah the fickle hormones and feelings! In the sunshine of attention from other WONDERFUL men who actually desire, enjoy, like, and are interested in me, stbxh doesn't look so great.

I think it helped that I went into the grief process all the way. I wallowed in my feelings and didn't stop them. It hurt like hell but I got through to the other side. And on the other side I found acceptance of the reality that it is OVER. Embracing reality was the key for me.

I know I still have baggage. That baggage is my problem to deal with, but I believe that it would have been triggered in a R situation no longer how long I waited. And every triggered feeling is an opportunity for growth for me.

I don't believe in "waiting until I'm fixed". I have had to abandon that approach before at other times in my personal development. I believe in learning through living and taking responsibility for keeping my eyes wide open to reality. Closing myself off to the powerful urges that I am feeling to connect with men just wouldn't be me being fully myself right now.