Time to start a new thread...hopefully this is the beginning of the end...or maybe a new beginning???
Sunday, my H came over after returning from his trip and I have to say the meeting was a near disaster. Fairly early in the evening, my H said something to my D that she didn’t like and then she acted disrespectfully toward my H. My H said “Maybe I should just go”. His saying that made me feel like I was just hoping that something had changed but nothing really had. I told him how I felt. He sat and listened…he still got annoyed, but he didn’t leave like he would have in the past. We worked through it things got better after that.
We met for lunch yesterday and that was good. We talked on the phone last night for an hour. He wanted to meet me for lunch and dinner today but I told him I was meeting my D for lunch. He is actually acting like I am a priority…it is so strange.
After our converstation last night I determined....
-He still has his revisionist history. For instance, he says I smothered him during our marriage…only partially true and just when I first felt he was pull away from me. He actually smothered me more than I ever smothered him.
-He would just prefer for us to reconnect without having to work at it. He told me we might as well forget it if we have to have an R talk everyday for the next 30 days. I explained to him that we don’t have to talk about things all the time but we do need to work through things and he agreed (sorry I am past total DBing).
-He seemed to think I am too critical of him. I pointed out that I have spent a lot of time trying to understand him (a lot of it for my own sanity) and I was not critical. I did point out that maybe he was actually too critical of me…he thought about it and said I was probably right.
We met for dinner tonight. We talked about many things other than our relationship. It was a nice evening. When we were leaving the restaurant, my H asked if I was busy tomorrow. He said we should get together and talk about us!!! If that isn’t a change, then I don’t know what is.
my H said something to my D that she didn’t like and then she acted disrespectfully toward my H. My H said “Maybe I should just go”. I told him how I felt. He sat and listened…he still got annoyed, but he didn’t leave like he would have in the past. We worked through it things got better after that.
Yes, Upside...both parts sound familiar. H used to exit at any sign of tension. Now he stays around. If I say something he doesn't like he might be annoyed but he doesn't just shout and storm out as he would have in the past.
How old is D? My D can be difficult with H.
This is sounding good Upside! I will be reading along and sending you the very best for this critical time.
He is trying that is so great, just be prepared that everything will not go smoothly. You will still need to have a fight and know that the world is not going to fall apart. That you both will still keep coming towards each other rather than running away.
For now enjoy it while it lasts. Life is full of "upside and downside"
ib-Thank you for your encouragement. It is early in this process with many obstacles still ahead. This is the forward movement I have waited so long for but I have to remind myself that things could change again...but I am strong and I can handle whatever happens.
Cas-My D is 17. Before, that kind of interaction would have sent my H running for the door. He somehow seems more resolved to work through things but not totally. He still has the attitude that we really shouldn't have to work that hard to be together. He also still sees some things from his MLC perspective where our previous relationship (even post bomb) was riddled with a lot of issues...some of those I agree with and some I think he is way off base. I have been waiting for years for him to have an epiphany realizing our marriage was actually pretty decent...all the experts tell you that there usually are no epiphanies in MLC and now I see that is true. He hasn't completely let go of all of the excuses he came up with to justify his leaving. Sorry if I rambled there!
Lance-I am preparing myself that things will not always be easy. I still have my some doubts about how I feel as well. Though, he is easing some of my doubts by the effort he is making. This is much more like my old H and something he hasn't really done in years. It does scare me to think he could shift into reverse again...but at this point, I feel like I have to take the risk because he is trying.
punkin-Thanks for the prayers.
Albuquerque-I hope the forward momentum continues...I will keep you posted.
Di-How are you doing? You deserve to be a priority too...everyone here does. Reminding myself that I deserve to be treated better gave me strength. So, keep reminding yourself. Thanks for your well wishes...we will see what happens.(((HUGS)))
Upside, I haven't read your story yet , but it is sure nice to see someone experiencing forward movement. I wish for you, added strength and perseverance for your situation.
M\51- H\53 crisis-08 M-30 years 2-D's 25\22 ILYBINILWY - Feb 09 BD - Mar 09 Sep- May 09 NC -Jan 10 H fl'd papers Aug-10
Awesome news, tell me upside when did your bomb drop, etc... How long have you been at this?
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
If that isn’t a change, then I don’t know what is.