It's not go see your lawyer. Man up, do not ever hug her again, detach, its over, she can't stand you, she has no respect for you, we all hurt, deal with it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
So, with that in mind. Do I still L up and cancel mediation? What's my game plan right now?
I'm pretty sure that if I L up, that's the complete end of us. 100% sure that would be it. If I get a L I know there is no going back and I would never be M to her again.
Fact.
Fact its already over, be a man and maybe she will respect you, I would not allow a cheater the easy way out with mediation, go get a lawyer. And remember all cheaters lie.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I haven't commented on your sitch before. Many, many others have.
How about you do yourself a favor. Forget what everyone here wants to see you do and you keep coming back asking questions. Do something for yourself, by yourself, without any other inputs or opinions along the way.
DO NOTHING regarding your M/R for 24 hours. NOTHING that has to do with your W or these DB boards. Give your brain and your rampant emotions a break. Don't talk to her, don't text her, don't write about her, don't ask a quetion about her. Take an over the counter sleeping pill, and sleep for 12 hours. And the other 12 hours do something other than be consumed with your situation.
One day - 24 hours - nothing will change in your M/R mess, nothing. Turn off your phone and leave it off, turn off your computer and leave it off, do something/anything other than constantly thinking about and worrying about your situation. Get some good sleep. And after 24 hours, see if you can look things any differently.
What do you think? This isn't coming out of some book, but for Pete's sake, you have to do something different. Everyone is telling you that over and over. So do something different, something you can handle, and then go from there.
That's my off the wall suggetion for the day... I might be off-base, trying to think outside the box at this point
M39 W41 Two children WAW bomb dropped 11/7/09 Piecing Aug 10 - Nov 10 No longer piecing...Nov 10 Separation Jan 11 EA ends again Feb 11 Piecing attempt #2, Mar 11
That's a nice bit of drama that you instigated. Did it make you feel better? You called her to say goodnight? Go and read your reactions to what you thought was happening.
I hate to say it John, but I'm actually becoming sympathetic to your wife.
So, with that in mind. Do I still L up and cancel mediation?
From the very begining of your seperation, people have been telling you to retain an attorney, and if you had done that, the attorney is who you would be talking to about the wisdom of going to mediation (or not).
You deal with the things you must deal with and only those things. That's what your ego (the part of you tied to the past and imagining the future) is good for.
You use your ego as a tool to plan things, learn from your past. You do not let your ego or your unconcious (emotional) mind run the whole show like you are doing.
You let your fear, anger, sadness, etc feed your ego's desire to "do something" based on childhood emotional patterns. Your ego then imagined things that fed your fear, and that feedback pattern of your emotions feeding your ego feeding your emotions feeding your ego led you to throw a tantrum.
You have to look at this cycling for what it is: unproductive and unhealthy. You are not your negative emotions or childhood emotional patterns, and you are not your ego. They are part of who you are, but they are not who YOU are. You are also YOU in the present. You can choose to deal with the less-than-pleasant stuff, and then take the rest of your time to enjoy yourself if you want. You have to remain anchored in the present to do that. You have to deal with people without all of the history and fears of possibly unpleasant futures to act conciously.
What did your wife do *now* to cause this ruckus? I didn't read anything that didn't sound like you instigating it based on the past and your fear of the future.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
One of the first responses to your sitch from more than 9 weeks ago.
Originally Posted By: Puppy Dog Tails
Seriously, I don't know who needs more help -- your wife, with her abuse and her serial infidelity, or you, for your obvious self-esteem issues that you would not only TOLERATE all of this, but needily go ask her for HUGS???
