I had a talk with my H last night. Got more insight on what his therapist and him talked about. H asked me a bunch of questions, I felt almost as if I was being interragated.
First he said his therapist told him that with each frustration he had it was like another one would come along and now they are all piling on top of one another bringing him to this point.
First, he wanted to know why I havent been wearing my wedding rings. I explained to him that i wanted to, but since losing 70 pounds they didnt fit! He then asked why I didnt get them resized...I said because I wanna lose 10 more pounds first. He wanted to know how I was going to do that because what I was doing werent working! I told him I needed support.
Second, he wanted to know why I didnt dress up for him. I told him cuz we never go out. He wants me to dress up anyway when Im just around the house. He said he was ticked off that I dressed up when I went out with friends. BUT he never takes me anywhere!
Third, money situation isnt what he expected. He thinks that has something to do with me. I reminded him that 2 paychecks went by that he didnt pay his bills. He denied that.
Forth, sex isnt the same. OK, I agreed. I told him what my needs were. I want more than just sex. To him , thats all he needs. NO cuddling and stuff like that, well thats what I need. He didnt think my needs were important, that cuddling werent part of sex. Ok, but Maybe I need to feel wanted and not used.
He thinks I should be able to read his mind. He said that. Yet, he said that he cant read mine and I should tell him what I want.
I told him his attitude could be better. He could act nicer. He said he couldnt be nice. He is now saying he just isnt a nice person. We have been discussing that this morning. He is mean and that is just how he is. He cant change himself. Well, I told him he is a nice person, that I have seen that in him. He said he wasnt.
Dont understand that.
He is stuck on a comment that I made when I found out he took flowers to some woman. I told him that I wondered if it was a mistake to let him come home. He said I shouldnt have been thinking like that. That it had come out of my mouth and thats all that mattered. I asked if the thought had crossed his mind. He said to a point, but it werent the same.
I felt underfire. I felt he was trying to blame me for everything and that he wanted me to hear how he felt and understand that, but that he didnt want to understand my feelings. That they mean nothing.
The one thing that I think bothered him is that his therapist basically said all of this was HIS fault. His thoughts and frustrations. I dont think he liked that. Maybe that is why he is blaming me.
I dont know what to do. I told him today that if he wanted to act mean and be miserable that was his choice, that I was gonna smile and be happy because that is MY choice. He thinks you cant choose to be either...that it is what it is.
Any thoughts? What stage is this??? What is going on now?
Last edited by kissak; 09/29/1001:35 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
