Hi all ... just an update ... things are mostly the same. I'm doing good, new furniture is ariving this morning, plans in place for birthday GALing on the weekend, etc.
Just thought I would post an email I sent to H as a result of some texts I received from him to keep y'all in the loop. The fun continues ... and both texts were received prior to the email response ... I even sat on it for a day before I responded
*********************** Text from H: I think that you expect that any money changing hands can only travel from me to you. Really, think about how much of what you spend comes back to you and how much comes back to me ... I have offered to buy your wood for the winter if the book comes through for god sake. You know that is 1000 dollars right? It's the child tax.... Not the mother tax. It should all go towards the kids.
H, (via email from me)
I do not appreciate the disrespectful tone and attitude of your text. I've told you already that I will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I have done my absolute best to handle this entire situation with dignity and compassion even in the face of painful and humiliating betrayal, lies and disrespect. I have tried my absolute best to be fair, accommodating and civil.
I understand that you stressed about money. We were living paycheck to paycheck when both of our incomes supported one household. I know how expensive life is, I've had the sole responsibility for managing it all for 15 years, and it was a lot of work and a lot of stress. Please do not forget that you CHOSE to leave. You wanted to be independent. You wanted to make it on your own. You wanted the autonomy to make all your own decisions. You now have it. I did not do this to you. I did not ask for this separation. I did not support it. I supported our marriage. It was far from perfect, we both contributed to dynamic that got us to the place we were in in December, but the current situation is a result of your choices and decisions.
I have not asked for any money I spend to come back to me. I asked you to pay for your half of the utility bills (which I provided dates for) for the month of August as we were still sharing responsibility for the house. I also asked for you to pay back 1/2 of the back to school shopping bill, which I had cleared with you in advance. You also agreed, in advance, to pay for 1/2 of Rowan's b'day party expenses. When you left we agreed that we would split the expenses related to the kids. You also agreed to leave me with the family allowance/child tax credit.
When you first said you were leaving I was terrified of maintaining an entire house by myself and you told me you would not see us go without. You said you would provide the wood for the winter. I did not ask it of you, you offered. Yes, I know what it costs. It was one of my main concerns in being left in this house alone.
That money does go completely towards the kids. It helps me feed them, house them, clothe them, have them cared for and generally provide for them. You assuming otherwise is both insulting and disrespectful.
Text from H: I left A's seat at the daycare. I need more clothes for the kids for next week....I bought them some but still don't have enough. I need more pants for everyone. Was there anything that will fit now in the bag from BIL?
Thank you for leaving the seat. There are boxes of clothes in the basement that still need to be gone through that may contain clothes that the kids have grown into. I called you the other day and when we spoke I let you know that you were more than welcome to come help me go through the clothes and make sure they were evenly split between the homes. I do not mind paying you back for half of what you spent on clothes and I have not had a chance to go through the bag from BIL yet.
I am really not trying to be difficult or make your life hard. I'm really just trying to live my own and make the best of what I've got in front of me. This was not my choice but I am trying to do the best I can.
I honestly would prefer to be able to work through this stuff and speak without the animosity. Hope you are having a good day, T **********************
Hope everyone is having a good day Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Like CD bear I can see me using this in the future.
You should start offering a service in LBS email responses.
This type of template would be good to keep for example :
"I am really not trying to be difficult or make your life hard. I'm really just trying to live my own and make the best of what I've got in front of me. This was not my choice but I am trying to do the best I can."
Then we can make changes for our individual circumstances.
You certainly have a lot to offer.
I like this one too:
"I do not appreciate the disrespectful tone and attitude of your text. I've told you already that I will no longer tolerate being disrespected. I have done my absolute best to handle this entire situation with dignity and compassion even in the face of painful and humiliating betrayal, lies and disrespect. I have tried my absolute best to be fair, accommodating and civil."
I am in such a good mood today and I'm hoping it's contagious!
I've always said I couldn't wait to be a woman in my 30s, for some reason I felt like by that time maybe I would have my sh!t together or something ... and since today is my last day as a 35 yo (tipping over the "mid thirties" mark!) I've been reflecting.
I am really looking forward to the next year ... I can't wait to see what life has in store for me. Silver linings and lemonade ... that's what I truly look forward to now. I feel great, look great (if I do say so myself ), own my home, pay my own bills, have fantastic RL friends, friends and support that just won't quit here on the site, a huge family that loves me and all my faults and quirks and last but not least ... 3 gorgeous, sweet wonderful kids who are as beautiful on the inside as they are on the outside.
Life is good.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
What a happy and healthy outlook you have. I hope to have the same as I move through the work day. Things seem to be getting easier for me, as well. Also, let me be the first, I assume, to wish you a Happy Birthday-for tomorrow, of course.
It's great when you are able to enjoy the age that you are. I'm in my 50's now, a grandmother, and can't think of any other age I'd like to be.
... and both texts were received prior to the email response ... I even sat on it for a day before I responded 