Blindsided

[gutwrenching]

Sorry, lost track of your thread for a bit.
First off the wall...it might come down, don't lose faith but prepare yourself for the fact it might not. And if it doesn't come down, that tells you that you deserve better. The wall is thick and it is hard to deal with, but it is just the way it is, you can't change it. The only thing you can do is through your positive actions and growth get your WAS to allow it to come down. And if it starts coming down, be prepared for it get rebuilt and reinforced a couple of days later...that is normally the way it goes.

You being dressed to the 9s and then needing to leave...that was good. Keep some mystery. Make him wonder a little.

Books: DR and DB are the ones to start with. Someone had a great link just yesterday with a bunch of good reading material.
One I can think of is How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking about It.
For the future (your H isn't ready for this yet) there is the 5 Love Languages.

We're all pulling for you.
Stay strong and focused