Kids are in bed, I'm alone. Normally I'd feel pretty blue right now, but today I'm ok and ready to get a few hours of sleep before work. I don't know why I continue to want this marriage and at the same time feel so calm and liberated to be alone.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I'm guessing this is her response to getting deleted from FB and my refusal to remain friends.
W text-I'll see atty tomorrow about moving out/getting an apartment I have a sitter for the nights we both work Ttyl have a good night at work and stay safe
My text-Thank You, I agree that is best. I'll need to know who the babysitter is
W text-But we will have to split property/items.. I won't have anything I can take extra stuff for now and buy stuff.. I'll be reasonable with u Ttyl, Goodnight
I had asked her repeatedly to move out, she always refused saying she couldn't right now, probably due to money. Then all of the sudden she wants to go. I guess it's a test, but man it also feel like she is no doubt certain. Kinda makes you feel like she really doesn't care. I guess though it's gotten this far, I am accepting it. Doing well on going dark I'd say and working on GAL. feeling fairly good, but know full well a good day is followed by many bad ones.
That last text is her testing you. You just focus on giving space the next few days. She is going to come across this way to you a lot. She's just beginning on pushing your buttons friend. You have no idea except you heard it here on these boards first.
She's going to come at you. I don't have kids, but I've seen many posts about it. Based on how well you have done I would suggest getting a visitation schedule set up and an agreement on the kids legally. Take action for them first and let her do everything else.
If it's not kid related...DO NOT respond. I'm sure the pro's can step in on this sitch and really give you better advice. But one thing I do know, is if it isn't kid related...DO NOT respond.
LOL She's pissed man, it will show. Seriously. Hang in there.
So even if she texts me Good Morning, don't respond. Cuz she is, and I do feel like she's just testing to see if I'll respond... Testing the waters to see if I'll budge.
So even if she texts me Good Morning, don't respond
Right! How can she miss you if you're responding? She will quickly realize that the only response she gets is when it's about the kids, so she'll have a lot of kid TM's. When you see that it is stuff that's not important. Keep your answers to one or two words. That helps you not to get into a R talk. You must not consider if it is impolite or not....b/c that's not the issue anymore. You answer with, "yes", "no", "maybe", or "I'll have to think on it".
It is hard for the LBH not to resue his WAW from the hardships she's facing. But remember, every time you babysit for her, or you pay her bills, or help her in other ways....you are assisting her to live apart from you.
I know you are not open to having your children exposed to any OM, but if there is another man (and I'm sure there is at least one), then the more he sees what life with your W and four children are like.....the quicker he'll take off running.
OM and your W are in a fantasy world they've created. It's time for them to get their eyes open to reality.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Nice to see you Sandi2. Great advice from all of you. I'm grateful I stumbled upon this site. Thank you all sincerely for giving of yourselves to help others.
You answer with, "yes", "no", "maybe", or "I'll have to think on it".
"I don't have time to talk." "I'm busy." Is another good one to use about 5 or 6 times before you say, "I really don't want to talk to you anymore." "GET THE POINT!"
Its all really simple. You just dumped her. No one likes being dumped. Maybe you heard the lines on TV, "you didn't break up with me I broke up with you." Well its true: Even the cheaters don't like getting dumped. Once they have that sense of control it is hard to give it up. However, in reality, you have more control in this situation then you ever taught you had. I am glad to see you realized that.
What you wrote was good. I personally found that giving up without saying to many words about it was enough to wake Sister Mary Elephant up to realize that she needs to start acting and talking to me like an adult and a partner. I won't discount yours or Gucci's or Rob's speeches, I just didn't have enough emotion and try left to care.
If someone asked me to read what you sent your wife, I would think they just got dumped with a 'I Hate Your Guts' thrown in for good measure (I don't even want to be your friend).
People respond to that in a couple of different ways. First one off the top of my mind is the go out and get laid in spite. Or they try and turn it around and make you out the be the bad guy and the weak one and use your codependency against you until you back down. Or they may feel a sense of relief that the inevitable just happened and they didn't need to be the one who did it. Or deep down in the pit of their stomach they may begin feeling loss and despair and realize there were changes they could have shoud have made before this came to a head.
But, honestly, what does it matter how they feel or what they do. To be cheated on once is pain enough; to have it happen multiple times is complete uncaring about their "partners" emotions and sense of self worth.
After reading and questioning a few people on this site that are in your wife's position its obvious the next important move is to file for divorce. Let them know in bold capital letters:
I AM DONE! I HAD ENOUGH! THIS CANNOT GO ON!
Enjoy your live because it was the one your were given. If someone cares enough to join you they should not be making your life a miserable hell to be part of it. That is a realization that they need to make now. Bravo.
At some point we will need to sit down and discuss divorce agreements and things related to custody, etc. How should I go about that? I will be attending the required coparenting class Oct 8, hers is Nov 4. Should I wait a bit and schedule a day to discuss only that or just send messages regarding it? I'm concerned all my efforts will go to waste if I have a sit down too soon. Advice?
Great advice from all of you. I'm grateful I stumbled upon this site. Thank you all sincerely for giving of yourselves to help others.