Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[john28]

I guess the only reason I WOULD tell her in my mind is that it would be a big shock and I would give the "I'm giving you one more chance, move home now with boundaries or this is over permanently and I'm going balls to the wall with a L" statement.

[robx]

sleep on this,
wake up tomorrow,
you're obviously not in the right state of mind to make any decisions.

Act, don't react.

Get your info if necessary and then make decisions off of that.

Don't ask her, what would be the point of that?
She has lied to you before, she would lie to you again.

[SpinFree]

I guess the only reason I WOULD tell her in my mind is that it would be a big shock and I would give the "I'm giving you one more chance, move home now with boundaries or this is over permanently and I'm going balls to the wall with a L" statement.

Do NOT feed the drama llama. He is full.

Go to the lawyer.
Protect yourself and your son.
Be sad.
Move on.

You learned nothing that you didn't already know.
You just haven't wanted to believe it.

Rip off the band-aid and get on with the rest of your life.
You have a great son and lots of potential.
See a counselor.
Invest in your relationship with your folks.
Go to the driving range and swing that new driver with S4.
There is a great life on the other side of the suck-tastic.
You must pass *through* the suck.
There is no way around it.
You can do it.

SpinFree, the older John sending a note back in time

[FaithnAK]

Thanks Robx. Seriously, I'm going to L up tomorrow. Enough of this BS lying and cheating crap. She doesn't deserve anything. She's lied to me and betrayed me so many times that I can't count them all. I can only assume it is the OM because she lied to me and said, "I want to go to bed" and didn't say ILY. Probably because she WAS F'ING HIM IN BED AND DIDN'T WANT TO SAY I LOVE YOU IN FRONT OF HIM.

I have to drop my son off tomorrow morning at her house. I'm not sure what to do. I'm very afraid I'll fly off the handle at her. Very afraid of that.

I'm not sure if i should mention it, or just have her served papers that say I've retained a L.

You know what, I'll give her the benefit of the doubt until tomorrow morning. If her car is there in a spot is wasn't tonight, I'll know. Otherwise I'm going all f'ing out on her ass.

And I'm exposing this crap to everyone, her Mother included. I'm doing it all.

I've just got to keep my emotions in check until then. I'll admit, I called her and texted her "call asap". No answer, probably for the best.

Dude, John, calm down bud. Really look at your role in this before you react Friend. You need to know that regardless of your intentions, regardless of hers, regardless of everything...You have a Son that is feeding off everything you do from this moment on.

YOUR SON...go to a calm place and think of your Son.

DO NOT TALK TO HER! I found my anger very, very unstable in my Sitch. I did wrong things Man, but I don't have a kid. IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING RIGHT NOW...STOP CONTACT! Focus on your kid. Please John.

[dsh4320]

Think of your SON from now on, enough of this crap with your W. be done with her BS, no one more chance, no more BS.

[TimeHeals]

I'm not sure if i should mention it, or just have her served papers that say I've retained a L.

What? You can retain an attorney, and nobody gets served just because you retain an attorney. They get served if you are suing them, and they have an attorney in a divorce.

Dude, you are not making sense.

have to drop my son off tomorrow morning at her house. I'm not sure what to do. I'm very afraid I'll fly off the handle at her. Very afraid of that.

It's all fear at its core: the fear, the anger, the sadness. Time to man up and grow up and grow wiser.

There are no more "one chances" (what would this make anyway? The 8th or 9th final, last and only chance?). Your "one last chances" don't mean anything. It's just you begging or you'll throw a tantrum like a hurt little boy.

Tell you what... after you actually talk to an attorney, deal with what has to happen, and possibly file for divorce, you can talk about "one more chance" if she comes repeatedly begging for another chance, but only then, and then you will have to think carefully.

How can you give somebody a chance they don't want?

[john28]

Update. Just dropped S4 off. I walked outside with W who just woke up (again). I gave her a hug, mostly because I wanted it one last time.

Of course, you know what happens.

I look at her, and I'm so hurt. I'm so hurt she'd lie to me again and betray me. So, I asked her, "I'm only going to ask this one time. Were you lying to me last night about being at home asleep? I will not ask again."

She said that she wasn't lying. I didn't say anything. I just looked at her. I was so disappointed in her really. Really disappointed that she didn't have enough respect for me or her own self integrity to tell me the truth. I just kept looking at her saying nothing at all.

After that went on for about 15 seconds, she said, "why are you asking again?" *pause 15 sec* "Why are you asking me this? *pause* "What have you done to ask me this?" *pause*

I replied after about a minute of silence, "I have done nothing, but I do know you. And, I know that you are lying to me."

Well, she flew off at me about "you don't have a right to know where I was, what I do, blah blah."

I replied, "You're right. But I'd hope you'd have the decency, respect, and integrity not to lie about it especially when I didn't even ask where you were last night." I'm super cool and collected at this point.

She said, "I don't ever want to talk to you again, blah blah blah, don't call me, blah blah, F you, blah blah, you can't control me, blah blah. I'll see you next Wednesday at mediation."

I said, "I'll have to see you Friday to pick up our son."

She said, "I will see you next Wednesday at mediation", again.

"No, you will not." I told her.

Walked away. As I'm walking away she says she'll drop our son off with me.

She called, I stupidly picked up. She said she needed to know what if I was going to be there at mediation, I told her I haven't made up my mind yet. She then went into crying about how she needed to know because she couldn't wait on this any more and would need to call her grandpa for money (the sick one in the hospital). I told her to do whatever she wanted to, because I do not trust her and I'm not sure mediation is the right thing to do when my trust has been betrayed.

She then FINALLY broke. She admitted she lied. She said that she told me she was in bed because I wasn't supposed to call her and she didn't want to talk to me, so it was just easier to lie to me. She was at the shop at the University working on our son's halloween costume. It could be a legit story. I saw the halloween costume in the living room when I walked in, it had definitely been sawed on with machines and stuff. Looked different since this last weekend.

Maybe legit. Not sure.

She reiterated about 1000 times that she wasn't with anyone. I asked a couple of times too. She kept saying it over and over about all she had time for was work/school/son and she was trying to make herself a better person, and that she wasn't doing anything with anyone at all.

[john28]

So, with that in mind. Do I still L up and cancel mediation? What's my game plan right now?

I'm pretty sure that if I L up, that's the complete end of us. 100% sure that would be it. If I get a L I know there is no going back and I would never be M to her again.

Fact.

[john28]

I have a meeting with my counselor today at 4:00pm. I am waiting until then to do anything drastic.

[pinhead]

That's a nice bit of drama that you instigated. Did it make you feel better? You called her to say goodnight? Go and read your reactions to what you thought was happening.

I hate to say it John, but I'm actually becoming sympathetic to your wife.