I curious what everyone thinks here given my pseudo-blog of nearly 160 pages at this point. What are my % chances of busting this D, if I end up WANTING to, if I do the following?
1) Go dark, but remain CCC - calm, collected & cool 2) Speed through mediation as fast as I can and give her what she's been asking for these past 4 months (not monetarily, but giving her a S agreement) 3) Staying dim after S agreement 4) GAL, and really GAL. 5) Waiting for her to bring up R talk and anytime it comes up have the set script that I don't want to talk about our past R. Only a new one whatever that is. 6) Dating? I'm not sure about this one, I don't think I'll be ready for a long time.
I kind of feel like I've got a better chance than the average bear.
I don't know what your % chance is. It's not something that can be mathmatically calculated or predicted. I do know that the longer you engage her in negative tones and react to her, the more time you are taking away to grow yourself and also for her to really get it through her head that you mean business, you are done playing her games, you are not going to stoop to her childish level (and your W is very childish, John). I suspect she is still involved with OM and/or should see an C because she does not sound right in the head. I am not saying this to be funny, but mean it wholeheartedly. Then again, I've never met her but your post from the Retro day and the ridiculousness of her actions and the gun and her wailing and then saying she loves you and having sex with you = very unstable. Not to mention her sense of entitlement.
All of things you mentioned above are good and essential. You SHOULD be calm, cool, collected, you SHOULD get a life, you SHOULD only talk to her about S and other things related to mediation. If by chance she starts acting sane again, then you will know what to do. I do not think you are anywhere near dating right now so I wouldn't recommend that at all. No way, no way. YOu need to focus on you and your kid right now. Plus this is serious stuff, you don't want dating someone to come in the way of some sort of settlement you could reach with her. Because she strikes me as the type who will use anything/everything against you. Vindictive, etc. Re: separation. It's not something you are doing because SHE wants it. You are doin git because YOU need to protect YOURself as well. The world doesn't revolve around your W, John. And the sooner she gets that through her thick head and you show her you won't bend to her every whim, the better for you.
Her lunacy is not your problem.
You need to be the adult here because she sure as heck isn't.
Im one also and I ask the same question, no one answerd. I guess some questions have no answers, I have my answer in 16 days I have a 99.99999999999% chance of getting divorced.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Im one also and I ask the same question, no one answerd. I guess some questions have no answers, I have my answer in 16 days I have a 99.99999999999% chance of getting divorced.
My wife filed for divorce, a court date was set, and then she postponed the thing twice.
You never know the future. The thing to do is accept that you don't know, and then let go.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Im one also and I ask the same question, no one answerd. I guess some questions have no answers, I have my answer in 16 days I have a 99.99999999999% chance of getting divorced.
My friend took her kids to see a really bad movie awhile ago.
The kids were horrified. They wrote letters to scientists with the help of their teacher. They asked how much time we have before we all drown on this planet because it is 99.9% certain it will happen.
No one answered.
They are still horrified and now my friend is getting divorced.
Im one also and I ask the same question, no one answerd. I guess some questions have no answers, I have my answer in 16 days I have a 99.99999999999% chance of getting divorced.
My wife filed for divorce, a court date was set, and then she postponed the thing twice.
You never know the future. The thing to do is accept that you don't know, and then let go.
I hope I have done that, at this point she cant stop it, I cant stop it , both of us together could stop it, and your right I cant see the future but I am pretty sure that’s not going to happen. The way my luck runs it will get postponed on that day and I will have worried for nothing, two months later have to go through all the emotions again. I hope it just ends soon.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
Im one also and I ask the same question, no one answerd. I guess some questions have no answers, I have my answer in 16 days I have a 99.99999999999% chance of getting divorced.
My friend took her kids to see a really bad movie awhile ago.
The kids were horrified. They wrote letters to scientists with the help of their teacher. They asked how much time we have before we all drown on this planet because it is 99.9% certain it will happen.
No one answered.
They are still horrified and now my friend is getting divorced.
Engineer's humer :-)
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
On a serious note here, I want to understand from some other LBS if what I'm feeling is natural or a little overkill.
I can go about 2 days tops without having some meaningful conversation with my W, or seeing her. Even if I do go that long, there are what I'll call "outbreaks". I don't know any other word to use.
During these outbreaks, I suddenly feel the most intense urge and feeling I've ever felt that I NEED my W. Like something is terribly wrong with me. Very wrong. Like she is slipping away from me. I get pretty anxious. Then I either can brush it off, or I burst into tears.
This can happen anywhere, anytime of day. It's happened at work and I've had to close my office door while I sat there and cried for about 2 minutes. Then I'm done.
A lot of the times, I will call her. Act happy and chipper to her at that time, probably because I'm projecting. I want to know that she's happy or happy to hear from me. Sometimes she is, and that makes my day. But if she isn't I go into a mini deep depression.
This happens about 3 times a day. I can usually shrug it off 2/3 times. Others, I break and either call her, or wallow in my own pity.
This has been happening for 4 months now, and she left 1 month ago. I'm still having these episodes. Is this normal? Any similar stories?
Currently I'm on two different anti-depressants. Before I went on my second, it was completely out of hand... 10 times a day and more intense.
The problem is I listen to what you guys say, I REALLY do. I WANT TO LET GO. I really really really do!! I KNOW IT'S THE ONLY CHANCE TO SAVE MYSELF AND MY MARRIAGE. I don't want to feel this anymore. I just feel like I'm some kind of abnormal case. I look back at Pinhead, who started this crap the same day I did. He was able to let go early, and now has a decent shot at his M. I wish I could have done that, I really do. I see all these others on the boards who can let go so easily, or so quickly, and I'm stuck here on this stupid train I can't seem to get off of. I feel like something isn't right.
And... rereading my post just now before I clicked submit has sent me into another "episode". Is what I'm feeling normal?
See, I know the only way to get this done is to let go. I have tried. Somewhat successfully for only a few days (3 tops). Then I am overcome with anxiety for some reason and just when my letting go is having an affect on my W, I do something to screw it all up. At first I thought it was patience. Now I'm not so sure.
She's said before all she wants is consistency. I know what doesn't work - begging, pleading, calling, texting. I know what does work - letting her go, ushering this separation along, giving her space. And just when I get good at doing the things that work for a few days, I go back to the sh!t that doesn't work. She notices that. She doesn't like that I'm not consistent, and I think at one point she said, "If you were just consistent I would know that I could trust you and then maybe I could consider coming home".
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
This is not normal, time to put your big boy underpants on and face the truth. She is gone, she is not going to even think about loosing you until she has a chance to miss you. I detached quick but it didn't help me with the wife one bit what it did help with was with me. Sorry not what you wanted to hear. We have 4 kids and have went 2 weeks without talking
Last edited by 40andsadintexas; 09/29/1001:06 AM.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
John, it's normal to go through emotions, angry, sad, what not. Your episodes don't sound normal and since you're on anti-depressants I'm going to venture and say that depression may be why. Do you go to counselling as well? If not, you need to. Pills don't fix everything, you also need to learn how to manage the emotions.
I go through emotions, and I do have occasions where I just feel like I need to contact my H. It's not so strong that I can't resist or logically reason with myself. Sometimes I do need to just cry about everything, but I can hold it in if I'm somewhere inappropiate (like work).
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
No, it isn't normal. i'm glad you are being honest here. Counseling might help. Finding a friend you can call instead might help. I know it is hard to hide that kind of neediness, but it does scare other people and drive them away. You become your own worst enemy.
