Sorry to hear of your frustration with Tom's behavior.
I see you have asked for input. I think he needs to be an adult for a while, especially if he is being disrespectful to you. Adults are responsible for their expenses, not their parents. It is natural for children to respond to boundaries with anger. The anger turns to remorse and acceptance of the boundary. It takes time to go through the process....
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
