Actually this is Beatrice' thread and I really like her topic so I have been adding my .02 and updates. I will probably find a place to start one for myself very soon.
About the D filing in my sitch:
I was served papers for D by my H on 9/4 and I had 20 days to respond to his complaint.....since he served me he will be the plaintiff and I will be the defendant.....since he had me served and did not file his papers with the county.....I decided to counterclaim his complaint against me (which had already taken place by his service of papers to me) thus the divorce was started in the courts in my state. Regardless of my action, I only had 20 days to reply to his complaint for D against me or I would have been held in contempt of court and I could not risk that, it would have meant I would forfeit a great deal of control financially.
I would love more than anything to fix my marriage. My H has chosen the OW over me and that is the cold hard fact I face everyday. I am not sure what I could do at this point to turn this around myself. Seems to me that it is my H that needs to fix this now. I understand his MLC state. I don't know what to do. I feel so detached from him since this second serving of D papers.
I find I do not want to be his friend out of pain. I am in a great deal of emotional pain. I am very torn..... I do not like or respect his choice and that has me questioning how could we even try and be friends after this horrible ordeal.
If I treat him as well as I did pre-serving (9/4) I feel I am condoning his adulterous affair and giving him the best of both worlds still = CAKE. After being served the second time, I didn't feel this was a battle I belonged in anymore. I want the cake-eating to stop!
If I treat him kind but not overly so and no contact from me...I am sending him the signal that I am not happy with his choice but am accepting it by leaving him alone and am moving on with my life. Leaving him to his life with his OW. In my H's eyes he will think I like him just fine and am his friend (I know him and so I know I am right).
Either choice is a lose - lose for me. H will not leave his OW. H doesn't want to fully commit to our marriage. That leaves me in the cold on both counts.
I am following along with Upside's sitch very closely. It was her H who filed at the urging of Upside and now that he did so he doesn't want the D. A D was something he had previously told Upside he wanted which is why she told him to just go and do it. This is a situation that has mirrored much of my own.
I had a H who filed in 2008 and then could not go through with it, then to only have me served a 2nd time. I fought the good fight right up until 9/4/10. I actually told him my preferences and professed my love to him amongst many other things. He knows where I stand. For me to file in the manner I have is more giving him what he stated he wanted like Upside's husband.
If my H doesn't want this he will not be bashful. I will hear about it sooner or later.....
Cas, I actually wrote you a lengthy response to your latest thread only to lose the whole thing. I have a lot of opinion about your sitch. I will get back there and share my opinion.
I am doing better but not that well. I feel like a fish out of water. I am still very emotional and cry all of a sudden like I have no reason.....
This is kind of a rambling mess....sorry.
Take extra care you two, I love having you to chat with.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
