Since I brought up attorney and mediation, she is all for talking about finances now.
Is she sincere about this? Don't know - My suspicions are = She is scared I will stop the Divorce and she's trying to cover up the financial screw ups.
Do I want to delay the Divorce? Yes and No
Yes - Reasons: Need binding financial agreement with witnesses; chance for her to see things differently; chance to buy time for a change of heart; Show her I'm not scared of how she will react; To follow through when I told her if I found out that she's been lieing to me, I would pursue a Lawyer for protection; Make her do more than just get what she wants (i.e. You want divorce so bad, you do all the work); So I don't feel like I just gave in and ran.
No - Reasons why I'm tempted to give in: So I can run too; So I can drop her from insurance and she can feel the financial pinch; I can do whatever the hell I want from scratch; So I never have to deal with her again - Begin letting go for real; So she can't say I'm just being vindictive; So she can't say I didn't love her enough to let her go; So I can continue to just do like I've always done and just give up (aka Go play Warcraft, drink til I cant see str8, and pretend probs don't exist anymore; So she can bang whoever the f*ck she wants, fall flat on her face if she chooses, and I don't ever have to worry about her again.
Which one is more vindictive?
As you can see, I'm still cycling and have NO idea who or what I am yet. However, I have til Thursday to ultimately choose my direction. Very difficult to see clearly. Very hard to trust her and very hard to trust myself at this point.
