Thanks all for checking in again on me. I am away from this site more than I am on it these days.. Life is busy, and taking me along for the ride...
Just to update on my sitch, and this may be long.....
On the trip to my d9's Kung Fu: I went, and focused on d9, and watching her work on her Kung Fu was great, as I can see it helping her self esteem, build confidence, and new friends and everything that goes with it, and part of why I do Jui Jitsu now myself, and I am very proud of her, as she is now a yellow sash!
On a personal note, I was surprised at how little emotion over the OM that I felt, or even towards my STBXW. I can see why my STBXW is attracted to him, as he carries the confidence and charisma that comes with being a black belt in a martial art, although he was not as physically good looking as I thought he would be.
D Proceedings: Our D trial date is coming up, and my L is trying to get an agreement together VS having to have a full blown trial, and I met with L for a couple hours to try and draft up one that I could abide by. Not an easy task. I essentially argued with my own L for 2 hours, and then mostly gave in to what he is discussing and he has drafted an agreement and sent to STBXW and her L, and we are waiting for there response. It is not something I am truly happy with, but something that I could at least survive with if they agree in kind.
My sticking points are paying her alimony on top of the crazy amount of CS that I will be paying. Alimony laws in Mass are just absurd, and after discussing with L, why we are trying to get agreement.
In MA, the judge can only decide if alimony is needed, not duration, etc. There is case law to back up that because of disparity of income in our case that Alimony will be awarded, and in pre-trial he said it would likely be so. He stated in pre-trial that it should be 4 years. Now, if STBXW and I agree on that, it can be done that way, but if I understand my L correctly, if we go to court, and it's decided it's warranted, he can make no decision on duration, only if it's needed or not, and I may wind up paying for a much longer time, if not forever. I am not really up for trying my luck on that one...
There's more to the agreement, for sure, and I was so angry after arguing with my attorney for 2 hours it took me the rest of the afternoon to calm down. Accepting that I was so angry was part of the process, and just working through it.
On me: Still doing well, in spite of roller coaster the past few weeks, and I am currently looking to move to a new apartment in the next month, as my lease is up. Hard to believe it's been a year already..
Overall, I look at who and where I am now, and I am content I am on the right path for me, and happy about where I am personally, and where I am growing to.
I look back at who I was for so long, and it really does seem like I was a different person, unhealthy in many ways for many reasons. However, I won't host the regret that comes with those realizations, just acceptance of it as truth, and part of the foundation of who I am now, and who I want to be in the future.
Peace, all, hope to check in with most some of you soon, but off to family b-day party with d9!
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
IWITW, sorry that you're having to deal with all the stuff that's happened. We were headed for a nasty trial, and we recently had a 6 hour mediation that resulted in the negation of a trial. I hope that you are successful in avoiding a trial. A trial takes ALL of the decision making ability away from BOTH of you. If you can continue to detatch from her, and what she's done, you will continue to do better. Congratulations on your progress so far. Cheating, in my opion, is the worst thing that one person can do to another...short of killing them. These people are able to convinve themselves that what they did, and are doing, is OK...regardless of how wrong it actually is! I'm sorry that it happened to you.
ps - I can also relate, completely, to your last paragraph above. Good work!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Still doing well, in spite of roller coaster the past few weeks, and I am currently looking to move to a new apartment in the next month, as my lease is up. Hard to believe it's been a year already..Overall, I look at who and where I am now, and I am content I am on the right path for me, and happy about where I am personally, and where I am growing to.
How good to hear! Peace,
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
So happy to hear you are on a new life path and working on yourself. Good for you! Day by day, it does get better and you will have this rich and amazing life you can't imagine every having. This is time to spend with YOU to figure YOU out...enjoy!!
Me 55 H 49 Married 21 years No kids bomb 5/09 filed 7/09 divorced and moving forward 5/10
Sorry all for not stopping by your threads first, but just wanted to post to my thread today..
I am officially divorced. (Pending 90 day waiting period)
Its mixed feelings that this has come to where it has, I am happy that I have some finality and know where I will stand financially, so I can make choices and move forward. It is also with sadness that a family had to be destroyed, and that I no longer want to even stand in the same room with the women I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with.
However, it is what it is, and I am in a better place, and that it's too bad it could not have been with XW, but that doesn't come from regret, just acknowledgement and acceptance of where things are.
Thank you all for following along, and I'll be around, but for today, I am just unwinding, as along with my D, I will be moving on October 10th, so there are quite a few new beginnings on the horizon.
What a ride this life can be, eh? All of you here have carried me at times through some tough things, and I am ever appreciative for your support, and hope that you are getting the same, as you all deserve the best this life has to offer!
Peace, IWITW.
(I had wanted my screen name to reflect that I wanted my marriage to work, but now that has come to pass, it still reflects that I want things to work, for d9 and myself, and we will thrive, no matter what comes our way!)
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
"I am happy that I have some finality and know where I will stand financially, so I can make choices and move forward. It is also with sadness that a family had to be destroyed, and that I no longer want to even stand in the same room with the women I had thought I would spend the rest of my life with." - IWITW
I can certainly empathize with this.
"I want things to work, for d9 and myself, and we will thrive, no matter what comes our way!" - IWITW
Then make it happen brother. You do have the power to do that. Good luck and best wishes.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
