You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[smith18]

It cant hurt to ask her now for the things back that are memorable and sentimental to you.

[Drew]

Don't assume.

[ImprovedRomeo]

I agree CTH, ask for what you want, don't fold over. Ask a few times if you have to. But ask in a way that's not weak or doesn't give her all the decision making power.

i.e.

'Do you think I could have the statue back?'
vs.
'I'd like to pick up the statue from the house- does Wed 6pm work for you? thx.'

or something like that...

[antlers]

I want everything back that belonged to my family pre-marriage.

* Those are a corner cabinet that was part of my grandmother's dining room set.

* A George Washington statue that has been in the family since the 1800s. Don't know why I left that behind.

* The outdoor patio table and chairs. My mom bought that the summer before we married. She died that fall and we kept the set.

* The wedding and engagement rings. They belonged to my grandparents, who were married for 52 years.

You don't have to do this now. Document these very things and give them to your lawyer. If this goes to trial, your premarital items that you've mentioned will be returned to you. Period. Just get it documented and make them part of the legal record. Keep in mind that, according to the law and the Judge, these items are yours. She can't use your stuff as negotiating chips, so stop working yourself up over it. If it bothers you to deal with her right now about this stuff, then don't! Just stop worrying about it though, either way. Even if you do talk to her about it, now or later, you still need to get these items documented and into the legal record.

[ClingingToHope]

I was waiting for the girls to get off the bus and I thought to myself -- why wait. So I sent her a text saying I am moving into the house on X date and I'd like to come over the day before to pick up the four things I mentioned above.

I doubt the first three are going to be a problem. The rings, though, could be. My L said rings are typically gifts and remain with the Ex.

If it was anything other than my grandmother's wedding ring I'd say keep it. But my family is very, very eager for me to get those back.

No response so far.

Well, I didn't hear back from church_35 so I headed to my Tuesday divorce/support group. Church_35 is in it as well, just at a different table.

She didn't show.

As I was leaving the class, she'd called and left a voice mail saying she went home from work sick and she'd call me at lunch the next day.

If she was going to say no, I think she would have over the voice mail. It's the easy way, isn't it? So I'm hopeful she'll say yes. I'll keep you posted.

Of course, if she does I have to get some clothes pressed and the car cleaned ...

Hey BobbiJo, Reds are going to the playoffs. Woo, woo. I kind of wish the Cardinals hadn't folded their tent. It would have been fun to see it go down to the wire.

[soleil]

CTH, that sucks about the ring. Wedding rings are gifts but I can see why this is such a tricky one--it's a family heirloom!!!

[ClingingToHope]

STBXW hasn't responded to my text yet. That could mean a lot of things. No reason to stress until I get the response.

The church growth group is planning a trip to a farm for a hay ride and bon fire. It's on a weekend I have the girls so I'm hoping it's kid friendly.

Girls just called -- a bit of drama. Neither has finished homework and we were going to the health club tonight. Ahhh, the joys of single parenthood.

No response from church_35. I think I may be going stag Saturday night. I'll be disappointed if she doesn't at least call to decline. That's rude.

[ClingingToHope]

OK. Church_35 called and restored my faith in humanity. She turned me down -- again for a good reason. Her best friend's bachelorette party is Saturday in Chicago. She said she would have gone otherwise.

So ladies out there. Do these sound like brush offs and don't call again or try again when something else fun pops up?

There's really no one else I'd want to ask -- well, other than Church_31, but she has a BF -- so I'll be fine on my own.

[ClingingToHope]

Put a little too much into tonight. It was the last night the girls are on the health club membership. It was an extra $40 a month to have them on there and they haven't gone since early August. So we went, even though there was homework to be done.

They climbed the rock wall for a half hour while I lifted. D8 went to the play area for 40 minutes and D11 worked out with me -- the weight machines, running machines, the works. She was tired and barely made it through her homework.

Got them off to sleep with just a minor episode from D8.

Basically, it costs $10 per person for guests. So if they go with me once a month, I save $20. If they go twice, I'm even. Any more than twice and I'm losing. If they don't go at all, I come out ahead. I need to get there more myself. I peaked in at a body pump class. One guy, 12 women. I like those odds.

After girls went to sleep I checked email. STBXW said Monday her email wasn't working. Well, she sent me one tonight.

It talked about this morning's school meeting, the days off next week, D11's theater auditions, parent teacher conferences and a couple of other things. It had no mention of the text about picking up things in late October.

I responded and it wasn't a very helpful message. I told her I asked for separate conferences, I am not going to put in the 20 hours of parent time for the theater troupe (I can't I have to work to make money, but she doesn't need to know that). She wanted to set a time to talk about the morning school meeting. I didn't commit to that. I just asked what was it that they said about the medicine and D8's focus. (Just deal with it through email. Who needs a conversation at this point? Either D8 goes back on medicine or she doesn't.)

At the end of the email, I said I was wrong about the move-in dates. I'm moving in to the house Oct. 23 and I'll be by Oct. 22 to pick up the four things I mentioned. Plus, I added that my sister called to tell me STBXW has been "holding" another ring of my mom's for her -- one my dad gave her when he was trying to save the marriage. It has an emerald and diamonds around it.

I didn't know STBXW had that one. So I asked for that too.

Truthfully, it'll probably p*ss her off. I'm not giving ground on anything. I spent 2009 k*ss*ng her *ss in hopes of saving the M. Now, it's beyond repair and I'm trying to set my boundaries and then, later, perhaps soften them.

[ClingingToHope]

Text from STBXW last night -- "no problem on picking up the things."

This is where really nothing between us makes me happy. I'm 95 percent happy that it appears there will be no problem on the rings.

Of course, if the rings are sitting there waiting for me when I go to pick them up then that will be another step toward it finally, truly being over.

No matter how strong I become or how many days I put behind me, I've never wanted the marriage to end. And the fact that she still has the rings and I haven't heard anything D related in seven weeks feeds home into that .1 percent of my heart that still believes anything can happen.