Ominus Bonus

[ericmsant2]

Steady

I'm not sure about separating the person from the actions. I understand it's not the totality of what she is, but it is still how she is right now toward me. I'm sure this type of behavior isn't aimed at anyone else. I'm the target. So on the one hand I know there's a person in there with a lot of good qualities, but I also realize the reality of her behavior right now.

So if I understand your response….HER actions will dictate HOW YOU feel and interact with her. Is that what Steady wants? Does Steady want to hand over the control of HIS emotions to someone right now that cannot reciprocate HIS feelings towards HER?

I'm sure of my intentions. I have no desire to teach her a lesson.

It’s funny….Wiskey posted something similar (articulated better)…”You want to hurt her like she’s hurt you”.
Your intentions with the kids are understandable. Trust me, I am in a similar battle to get a 50/50 split. As for the kids, I would not waver and it appears that you are not. Everything else…well…that where ya just want to make sure that you are not fighting to prove something. You know you have NOTHING to prove to HER.

All to try and force what she wants. All wasted money.

I hear ya….LOUD and CLEAR Buddy. The legalities of all of this are just another bump in the road. Have you accepted that she may not change NOW…However, how you choose to handle all of this will just be something that YOU can look back on and KNOW in YOUR heart that you did what you thought was right. All we can do buddy…all we can do…

My disappointment is even caring enough to get pulled into it in the first place.

This may or may not sting…but up there ^^^^ sounds like some resentment. Is that what ya want? Let me ask you a question...why should you NOT care? Can you accept that you will love her YET not be with her? Can you accept that it is okay to feel this way today and feel another way tomorrow?

Anger, the poison we drink waiting for the other person to die. Again, I don't want it.

The hardest thing about this whole process is KNOWING and ACCEPTING that everything we feel and everything we do ….we CHOOSE to. Are you ready to CHOOSE not to be angry at her? Are you ready to use the anger in a way that is constructive?

I'm not sure what I have for her anymore. If there's love it's been driven way deep inside of me. It's mostly anger.

Where there is smoke there is fire…where there is anger…there is….<you fill in the blank>
Your right deep down inside of YOU are some feelings. You are fighting them buddy, at least IMO, WHY? Pride, anger, and the whole legal chit. Don’t let these feelings drive what you do. Accept them and call them what they are. Once again…can you love something enough to really let it go, let it make its own mistakes, let it grow at it’s own pace…just let it go and with it…let the anger go. Easier said then done my friend – especially when you know that they are trying to f*ck ya. Guess what….if ya let go…you will feel better.

I am watching myself move through the process of the fighting/letting go cycle. It's not happening outside of my awareness. I'm cognitive of it.

Webster dictionary definition of process is….

a natural phenomenon marked by gradual changes that lead toward a particular result.
a series of actions or operations conducing to an end; especially : a continuous operation or treatment
It is a process Steady….a process…

Now, sit back have a beer and just think about what you continue to learn about YOU from this process. It is the only thing that YOU can control.

Steady, I have read some of your post and I know that you know most of this chit. So snap out of it. Spend a little more time feeling this crap - you'll be aright and I know that you know this.

God Bless,
Eric