A new beginning to an end

[ImprovedRomeo]

Sol, unlike women very few men leave unless there's another woman. But whether there is someone or not does it make a difference? I asked yesterday why you wanted him to feel sad and remorseful. You said you did because he hurt you. Of course he did. We're all injured birds here but we all heal whether they feel bad or not. He probably does feel bad at times but they usually have convinced themselves that it is for the best. On top of that they feel they're the victim etc. We all have ways of coping with pain, this is their's.

Yes you did a lot for him, we all did for our spouses, however in their minds we also did them wrong that none of the good stuff matters. It's quite amazing how STBXW selectively remembered every little argument that I couldn't even recall yet she didn't care for millions of fun memories/pains/sorrows/happiness we shared together.

Hating- or more precisely anger is good to help you out of this rut (believe me I was in the rut for a loooong time) but ultimately indifference is where you want to get to. They say the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. I think I've finally gotten to that point in my R with STBXW. In fact, I talk to her a couple of times a week in regard to DD and we both go on with our lives. Sometimes I feel a bit sad that she gets me like no one else does in my life today. Not even my own siblings and parents. But perhaps it's an illusion too. Perhaps *I* opened up to her like I never did with anyone else and she heard me but doesn't mean she understands me. Of course, there will be times when I'll come out of the state of indifference and feel hurt again when I find out who she's seeing, when/if she remarries, when/if she's taking vacations with someone else- all the firsts I have to go through. But hopefully she'll be like running into an old girlfriend who's now a mother and has a family. You almost feel like you're friends. But that's a long way from here.

Hang in there!