Just thinking out loud. Well I'm pleased and puzzled at the same time. Since H left for his trip on Saturday he's called THREE different times. Two times I was out so he left voicemails, last nights' vm said he'd try again today. I'm amazed! This is a guy who, for our whole marriage, would leave on trips and I'd be lucky if he'd call me even ONCE. I can't believe it! It's wonderful... but I'm not really sure what I'm doing right, other than the GAL to have received such a great change.
When I look back at the year it looks like I've done some things very wrong. Coach said in Pinhead's thread that if you want someone to be attracted to you, you have to give them what they need. But I feel like all I've done is ask for what I need. H and I haven't talked much at all about what he needs.
So this is a little concerning to me. I almost feel like I've railroaded him. I don't want my M to be only about his needs, but don't want it to be only about mine either.
I also know he's said in the past that if he brings up something I've done that he doesn't like, I get angry, upset and overreact. So I fear now he won't speak up about his needs and concerns because of that. But if he won't speak up, how can we work though it and fix it? IDK maybe I'm worrying for nothing. Wouldn't be the first time! But Coach's comment yesterday just stuck in my head. IDK.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Do you know his LL? If not, keep doing what's working, and don't worry about "meeting his needs." If he's acting happy, acting attentive, then you're doing something right.
Yes. He's seemed pretty unhappy a lot of the time in the last month. Glued to the TV every evening last week. I guess I'm worried I've asked for too much.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
just don't know about the whole Eckhart Tolle thing
It worked for HIM
Part of it makes sense. Think about who he was: a depressed person who contemplated suicide repeatedly, a guy who focused on his fears of the future and his past regrets and such. His perspective was totally skewed past-negative and present-fatalistic.
So what did HE discover that turned his life around (and it turned him into a present-day guru for millions of people)? He discovered present-holism. Budhists do that too. More importantly, he finally figured out you have to be tuned into the present a good bit of the time, or you will not have energy to deal with things like the future And spending a lot of time worrying about past regrets is just a good way to waste your life.
Budhists call what he teaches "mindfulness".
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
A budhist monk travelled many weeks to see a master. The last few days of his trip he had to climb many thousands of steps up a steep mountain to the monestary near its summit.
When he arrived, he was told to take a seat, and somebody would fetch him when the master was ready to see him.
After two days, an assitant to the master arrived and said, "The master will see you now".
The monk approached the master and began to speak. The master waived his hand to silence him. "First tell me how many steps you had to climb to reach this place, and then I will speak to you", said the master.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
[quote]just don't know about the whole Eckhart Tolle thing
Yah like I said - I'll agree that parts of it makes sense... Like this is good...
Originally Posted By: TimeHeals
More importantly, he finally figured out you have to be tuned into the present a good bit of the time, or you will not have energy to deal with things like the future And spending a lot of time worrying about past regrets is just a good way to waste your life.
But the whole (interpreting here) 'you have to be a perfectly whole, spiritually centered person before you can ever be happy in a relationship or elsewhere' stuff is a little hard to take. Maybe I'm reading too much into it. I don't believe anyone's is that perfectly whole and completely self-reliant. EVERYBODY has baggage and no matter how hard we try there will always be remnants of it in our marriages.
I agree that we have to focus on the present and future primarily, and less on the past. I just think the premise can be kind of dangerous if taken too far... if we try to sweep the problems of our past under the rug instead of dealing with them and learning from them, they WILL come back and bite us in the keester. So I just think for me, finding the right balance is the key.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
