I have young twins also 17 days until my WAW finishes breaking our family up. Do a google search and its sad parents of twins are much more likely to divorce.
M40, W 37 M 11 1/2 y T 13 y D filed 5-18-10 S 5-29-10 OM1 discovered 6-5-10 Counter sued for d 6-16-10 OM2 discovered 8-10-10 OM3, OM4 4 kids 10, 7, & 3 D date 10-14-10 http://tiny.cc/mxzct
I did a search and read a few of the relavent articles and they all point to a study that cites "financial trouble" as the primary reason parents of twins separate.
I can say in my case that financial stress is likely not the reason, not even in the top 3. My W has just turned off to me. It's very strange and amazing at the same time. Seven months ago it was totally different...it's as though a switch was flipped in her head and she no longer knows me on an intimate level.
One moment that hurt me probably more than all her words combined was a few weeks back when we went to a semi-formal party for her cousin. The DJ was playing a slow song and invited all the couples to fill the dancefloor. I asked my W if she wanted to dance, and she said, "No, I am just taking this all in." She loves to dance. Being rejected by the mother of my kids, the person I married, my best friend, etc. was like being kicked in the gut.
She is pushing me towards mediation. I have been empowered by some of the posts I've read here, esp. the line, "I want to be with someone with BELIEVES IN THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE AND IS WILLING TO GIVE EVERYTHING THEY HAVE TO KEEP THEIR FAMILY TOGETHER." The person I married believes that statement; the person I am living with today doesn't.
Yesterday when I got home she looked aggravated. I said to myself, 'I haven't been home 30 seconds and she's already hating me.' Later, after her baby nurse went home, my W went on about how her helper did nothing during the day. She was lazy, unresponsive and only added to my W's stress. I wanted to personally give her helper a tongue lashing (or her boss), but I stay out of it. I just empathize with her and agree with her. I then immediately took my 2 boys and started playing with them -- going from one activity to another (showing her who REALLY cares about the kids). There are no words to express how much I love my boys. It is the most intense love I have ever imagined -- like I felt when I first met my W...but different. I wish I could be with them 24 hours a day.
My W is slow to bring up the mediator issue. She will mention it one day and then not say anything about it again for a week. She wants a D, but she's not going after it too aggressively. But we will start the process soon. I just don't know how she's going to cope with two 2-year-olds by herself. It's like seeing two trains headed for each other on the same track.
After 1 1/2 days of my W being unusually upbeat and friendly I knew today is her day to see her T, and she can't go there without answers. So I got the txt message saying that she made an appt. with the mediator for next week and asked if that was OK with me.
I told her yes, and that I also spoke to a second mediator that I want to meet with so we have another option to choose from. She was agreeable to that.
I then told her that I asked the mediator some questions and that this decision (of hers) to destroy her family goes against every single cell in my body, but I will do it for you. She said OK.
Was that an OK thing to say? I want her to know how wrong a decision this will ultimately be for her and the happiness of our two boys. I am sure in mediation a lot more will come out.
Thinking about detatching 100% starting today. Even though my legal advisor told me to "play nice" and be agreeable, it doesn't mean I have to make the day-to-day grind easy for her by helping/doing everything for her. She can start fending for herself. I need to go missing, I think.
Anyone out there go through mediation? Any experiences to share?
