As usual, (and it took me a couple of days to sort through it), you have found the underlying issue.
Originally Posted By: Steady
what feels so unnatural about it is this - you still want her back. In your mind, subconscious or not, you are worried how your behavior will be viewed by her
Absolutely NAILED IT!!
So now I just have to re-focus on me. Work on what I want and THAT has to be the motive.
"What works for me"
As a refresher......
Originally Posted By: Sandi2
Instead, show strength of the man you are, show that you are decisive, show that you are very self-confident, and always have polished manners...in the presence of a female who conducts herself like a lady. ... How would you act around a female who was no lady and openly disrepected you?.... Be like Rhett Butler and have a "don't give a damn" toward her. If you can do that, then you don't have to consider subjects like this.....b/c "Frankly my dear, you just don't do it for me anymore"......
Although this remains correct, IMO, my mind still read it as a "tactic". A means to an end and the end was "affect W and get her back"
Again, we all came here for the same reason (I hope) and that was to save our marriage. Granted, mostly under the false motive of "fixing" and finding "the magic bullet" but nevertheless, the motive was there. and the marriage requires the desire to have "the spouse" back.
So this- "Frankly my dear, you just don't do it for me anymore" -HAS to be REAL.
If you are faking til you make it, then you are still motivated by getting the WAS back. And that leaves YOU in a fog. Your actions are still insincere to you. You(me) are still second guessing.
That's the unnaturalness. Lack of commtment in my thoughts and actions because I am still concerned with more than how it affects ME.
Apologies if this one got a little disjointed. Had to stop a think a few times.
The other keys to write on my arm-
Originally Posted By: Steady
a)It's her crisis. She built it. Let her reap the consequences.
b)It's called cognitive dissonance. You are having to behave in a way that is contrary to the belief you are trying to get out of yourself - the outside validation/people pleasing paradigm
c)Do you want a woman who is attracted to the old CD or one that's attracted to the v5.0 CD? Maybe you've outgrown your W and are ready to attract a much healthier woman?...You want her to be attracted to the genuine CD who draws boundaries or to a CD that can put on a mask?
d) How do you want to act? Do that. Do what you want to do (from a healthy perspective, not a dysfunctional one) regardless of the effects out there. Because... you have no idea what the effect is actually going to be.
As far as an update, I have been cycling a bit and getting mentally unfocused. Likely due to running out of things to do around the house and getting to the bottom of moving all of her stuff to the garage.
Taxes are done. (Mine-she's still waiting on some docs)
And, after another 3 weeks of wasted time, W is now back following my original suggestion regarding unloading the truck.
She is very confused. It shows in her texts.
I have instructed her to get the repairs made so we can work a deal next week and the truck is gone by Oct 15
Meeting the lawyer this week Follow up on my physical is next Monday Drums are almost set up in basement Other than Christmas lights, house is ready for winter. Hockey starts Sunday.
