I feel a conspiracy here. LOL. Nice Job MHL! I would be happy to deliver the Corona and I hope I can.

Some people just have excuses. Maybe poor ones. That would be me.

Hear me out though, I am not feeling sorry for myself.

I am a little embarrassed here but the truth is I really was not looking for help. I have always been a self help person. I find myself helping others first before I help myself. I feel uncomfortable with that last sentence. I feel uncomfortable because I wish I could help more than I do.

I really hate leaning on people. I feel guilty about that.
I also acknowledge that I need help. The people on these boards are amazing. I have learned so much, by reading these boards, I have not spent any time putting out my own sitch.

Since I started posting here, I am so thankful for the help I have been given. The people here are the real deal. They would not last if they were shallow, and you can see right through them if they are. I also get the pay forward philosophy. I believe in that too. <Insert Bible passage here>.


Yes, I see that in my marriage too. I was a rescuer for my wife and this MLC stuff made me kick in to gear. After bomb drop I was desperate for information to kill the pain. I also knew the nonsense spewing from her mouth on bomb drop day was just a bunch of BS. There had to be an explanation for the weirdness.

I did not realize this curse/nightmare/trauma really existed.
God has truly blessed my life and looking back, I would not have changed a thing. I really only have good memories of my marriage and have erased the things that were not so good. It is a mental brainwashing of sorts but it is an optimistic point of view.

I felt my wife saw it the same way. She said she did, she acted as if she did, she told others, family and strangers that I was a great husband and she felt blessed too.

Am I a perfect husband? Nope. Never claimed to be. I have seen my shortcomings through this more and more BUT I am glad I get to see them.

Another reason I have not posted my sitch, is because her OM has done this to another woman years ago and she divorced him and went back to her original husband after 2 years. 2 years? Sounds like a MLC situation with that woman. That led me to believe this wonderful product of a human being knows what MLC is. Since he knows what it is, I grew paranoid that he might be lurking here. I really did not want to expose information to this OM.

How do I know this? My wacky W told me this after bomb drop. Too wacky for my wife to make the connection? She would have scolded anybody else in a similar situation. She must be different.

This guy is not a great catch. He is definitely an affair down or two or three. Of course she blames me for the affair.

I am reaching the point that I realize that my wife is going to have to go through the tunnel no matter how long it takes. I also know that I am uncovering my true self that has been locked up for many years.

I also am developing a fear for this. This is really stupid but
I find myself feeling a little less restricted on things that I want to do. I feel a little guilty at the same time feel resentful that I have been held down for many years. I was always putting others needs first and backburnering (Is that word legal?) any of my goals or ideas.

How much is too much in giving in a marriage? That is a difficult question. When you have a wife with high expectations, there is never enough giving in a marriage. She had high expectations for herself, failed most of them, and expected others to fulfill the expectations she could not do on her own.
And you better do it in a short amount of time, because there are so many more other expectations that need to be attended to.
However, I never criticized her failures because I did not know they were failures. She would bring the failures to my attention and I would wonder why she was being so hard on herself.

I would remind her to cut herself some slack and be a little more realistic at the goals you are setting. In addition, be proud of what you did accomplish and I complimented her on many things. That really did not fly with her and left me puzzled.

She truly gave a lot and I told her so. She was a wonderful wife and became a super mom when we started to have kids. We were noticed by many to be a beautiful family. We were asked many times by our church to become marriage mentors.

Many saw our life and commented to us on how we have it all. I agreed and did thank God daily for our blessings.

I would have been great with being a marriage mentor

but I knew that our busy schedules would be stretched to their limits the way they were.

My Wife did not seem to feel she had the time either.

UNTIL....

Some trigger that started changing her behavior almost 3 years ago from now.

It does not matter what it was, I know, but I speculate anyway for my own sanity.

My middle son, 6 or so at the time, broke both his arms while doing a stunt off the bed he saw a teenager do. We rushed him to the hospital in agonizing pain and that school year was rough to watch. He broke them a day or two before school started that year. Having his older brother help him at lunch and the difficulty in writing with two casts on at the same time was hard to imagine but impressed the faculty who saw this.

During this time, my wife was struggling at her job and hated going to work everyday. She complained almost daily. It was not the work, it was the people she worked with.

She decided the grass would be greener moving into a different school district. Getting the house ready for sale, trying to sell on our own, and the resulting move in the winter around Christmas was the worst and very stressful for me and most likely her.

She finally got a promotion during this time and now was scared/unsure of her abilities to perform well in this new position. I told her she would be wonderful at this new position and I had no doubts that she would do very well. There was huge stress in learning the new position and feeling inadequate to perform the duties to be successful. I never thought she would have any trouble but again she felt she would always be struggling and had a fear of not performing well.

I know I am just throwing down a bunch of thoughts here but that was what went through my head. If I was a perfectionist, I would make a rough draft and then start over and over until I got it right which would never truly be right. So you all will have to suffer with my random thoughts on this one. Never said I was a good poster or book writer. Heck, I can't type as fast as PEI, but I will get this stuff on here one way or another.

I hear you on bringing it up to the latest update MHL, I will do that too.