Not sure where to start or end, WAW - #2

[Puppy Dog Tails]

"How could I ever be with a man who wants to only support his W who stayed home for their entire marriage for only 2.5 years? That's not the person I want to be with, you don't value or respect me."

A: (staring at her, incredulously, shaking your head) "Wow. Unbelievable."


Puppy

[soleil]

I also want to add that she plays the emotional blackmail when it comes to spousal support - "How could I ever be with a man who wants to only support his W who stayed home for their entire marriage for only 2.5 years? That's not the person I want to be with, you don't value or respect me."

She's a looney tune.

[Sad_but_happy]

Like the great Eddie Murphy once made reference to...

"your wife wants to stay in the lifestyle she’s, 'accustomed' to".

Well... to that I say to you John, you're 'accustomed' to having sex a few times a week.

Seems if she gets 2.5 years so should you...

Let's all of us stay in the lifestyle we are "accustomed" to.

Loved Eddie Murphy in the 80's

[john28]

I actually need some help here.

My W sent me a text that said we need to work out custody until mediation is over. She wants to talk on the phone tonight and work out a custody arrangement so she can have a solid schedule for work hours. I too need a schedule because the old one doesn't work at all.

I don't know what to do. I feel like if we get a schedule in place, I can REALLY go dark. But if not, it'll be a constant communication struggle.

Before now we've had a loose schedule, centered around a few days. But a few things have happened to change that - like I wanted to have S4 on Saturday instead of Sunday (my normal day) this week because of an event we went to... then she finds out on Saturday that she has to work Sunday, so I get all weekend. Not the original arrangement... plus the original had me taking him on days that I took off from work right after our S because I wanted to take vacation and bond with him during this critical time.

I've been told both ways here to either get a L and have her served, or get a L retained and not tell her because she's a firecracker and would do something crazy.

I don't know what to do.

[TimeHeals]

Start with 50/50. Me one week, you the next.

If that doesn't work, then 80/20: me during the week, you on weekends

[CityGirl]

Simple - one week one, one week off. The parent who has the 'week off' has first right of refusal. Of course one time or another one or both of you might have to offer a day or two of flexibility but it shouldn't happen often.

And John, please listen or quote accurately. We did not tell you to get an attny to just "have her served". We suggested you get an attny because your W has total control over you and can manipulate you into anything. Sort of like she did just now. Now that SHE needs a schedule for HER job she is willing to talk to you in a productive manner. Until she needed something from you she has basically told you to go to hell (peppered with a few ILY's and kisses and sex for getting to leave Retro).

There is no reason to tell a wayward spouse what your legal plans are. It's none of their business or concern. If they wanted to make decisions together they should have remained married and that perk would remain available.

The one talk alone where she dictated that you would be paying her support for double the amount of time you were married (or suggested such) should have told you to get an attny ASAP.

The dynamic between you has not changed at all. Since the problem is still present what will you do when she starts her crap tonight? All I know is the first thing tomorrow you better get that schedule IN WRITING and signed properly to make it legally binding. Please don't keep making the same mistakes.

[KellBell0820]

John, listen to CG (and everyone else), please. Your wife is using you like a pro. One day we're going to read about you on the front page of the newspaper (and not in a good way) if you don't get this sh*t under control with her. One week on, one week off, that's that. If she wants to argue do what TH said with 80/20. If she still wants to argue and try to manipulate and use you, then tell her she can have her lawyer take it up with yours. And go get a lawyer for f^cking sakes. Do not give her more than 50/50, with the way this is going you'll never see your son again if you do that.

[john28]

50/50 even when it's not feasible? I have to work and my son isn't in school until next year. He's in two day preschool 1/2 days. I've already set the precedent for having him on one of those days by working from home for a 1/2 day. Other than that, my hands are pretty tied to care for him on the other days.

Maybe if I go 50/50 and if her first right of refusal so she keeps him during the day if she wants to? I don't know what to do.

Her argument, and a valid one, is that she has stayed home with him all his life. He has a better bond with her because of that - and that is what is driving to less than 50/50.

Believe me, I want 50%. I'm just not sure how a court looks at that. Any advice on how a court would look at our sitch? Infidelity can't be proved. I've had a good job ever since we married. I've increased our earnings by 250% within 5 years. I had to drop out of college to get married and have a kid, same as her.

[CityGirl]

Tell your W you are not prepared to discuss this with her right now (as in tonight).

I thought you had all this info already. DO NOT AGREE TO ANYTHING WITH HER UNTIL YOU TALK TO AN ATTNY.

And your W's point is not valid. Divorce changes everything including things for the kids. If she chooses to change the arrangement then things for your son will change. And to accommodate the 50/50 he will go to daycare and she will get LESS support so you can pay for daycare. DO NOT SAY THIS - I AM GIVING YOU IDEAS ON HOW TO TAKE ONE LINE ITEM AND PARLAY THEM TO SOMETHING ELSE.

Talk to an attny and find out HOW to fight for 50/50 custody. I AM BEGGING YOU NOT TO TALK TO HER UNTIL OU FIND THIS OUT FROM AN ATTNY THAT KNOWS EXACTLY HOW TO DO THIS.

[john28]

I couldn't CityGirl. We don't have a schedule at all for our S4 this coming weeks because she just started a new job and I can't take anymore time off from work. We had to come up with an interim until mediation.

Told her I wanted 50/50. She said no at first. We worked out a schedule around her new work schedule and school nights.

I got 50/50.

End of story.

Time to start LOGGING all of my time with S4, what we do, where we go, the things we see. This will be most beneficial in our custody case. That was some good advice the first L had for me.