IB...maybe it is time to also tell your kids that you don't want them in the middle either...H sending his messages through the kids, even if that was not his intention, is not good for you.
So maybe when you feel strong enough to share with D the things you are learning about her dad's "illness" MLC you could share with you that since you two are not together right now you don't need, nor do you want, to know what H is sharing with them...UNLESS it is something that she needs help dealing with and you can help her...
In other words...their relationship with their father is not your business and your relatship with him is not really their business (because if there is a reconciliation they may not be approving initially)...he is seperate to all of you and connected to each of you in one way...he is their father...he is your H...right now he is not both in a healthy way to any of you...but it is what it is and you all have to work it out in your own way for your own relationship with him...
Lin - yes that makes sense. I think even though I don't question the kids much about their dad - I have slipped at times. I will make sure to let them know that I am here for them if they are struggling with something with him but that I am going to really try begin healing myself and staying away from the drama.
This grief process is something else! I can't figure out half the time what stage I'm in - either in the grief or the LBS process. Just head down and move forward!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
The end of a VERY LONG ROUGH week! What have I learned?
1. I have wonderful friends and family (including the friends on this board) 2. I feel good when I DO things around the house and with friends/family 3. Alcohol makes me feel more depressed (yes it IS possible) 4. I am avoiding taking care of myself - that ends today. 5. Grief is an overwhelming process - I will take it slow
I will have a better week!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
The end of a VERY LONG ROUGH week! What have I learned?
1. I have wonderful friends and family (including the friends on this board) 2. I feel good when I DO things around the house and with friends/family 3. Alcohol makes me feel more depressed (yes it IS possible) 4. I am avoiding taking care of myself - that ends today. 5. Grief is an overwhelming process - I will take it slow
I will have a better week!
Good for you Irish. I've found that this sort of "review" helps me keep things in perspective and helps me keep moving forward.
Here's to a good week ... it will be what you make it Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Finally - a decent day! Fairly productive at work. Came home, cleaned the house, helping D buy a car, dinner, then CLEAN HOME OFFICE!!
Sad that I am not with the family in NC for niece's funeral. So strange - I remember when she was born. Just last Christmas she was here and I had a ball holding her new baby girl. Sent flowers, emailed condolence at funeral home, sent card...grieving alone - but feeling good that I at least reached out.
More good work to do...be better, do better...God's plan!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
It is sad that you are not with the family, but you did the best you could by reaching out.
IB, I've told you more than once that I think you are way too hard on yourself. You are still very early into this and grieving has its own timetable.
I keep telling you this because I did the same thing for a long time and I dont want to see you do it, too. I got so many 2 x 4's early on that I went to the doctor to check for a concussion. LOL!
Really, though, you are doing wonderfully. Take each day as it comes.
You will see that slowly you learn a new way of living your life.
I've said before that you and I seem to progress at a similar pace. I've been feeling better and more involved this past 2 weeks than I have in forever, and that includes before H left.
You are finding yourself under everything that has been buried for 25 years of marriage. Not that it was all bad. Just that we, as women, are the fixers, the "whatever you want, dear" people. Not in all cases, but in most.
Tonight I'm becoming involved in a civic activity involving the Board of a Health Facility. Look around and see what you could care about, could become involved in outside of home and family. It may do you a world of good.
