I guess different people have different thresholds for how long they're willing to hang in there (and how bad it has to be before they leave.)
The only serious gripe I have with my marriage is the lack of sex. And maybe I could get used to that, in time. I don't know. Sometimes I just get tired of worrying about it. I do have a BOB, and DH does go out sometimes.
There is an interesting book that you might want to read (before frequently breaking out your Battery Operated Boyfriend, whenever your husband goes out). It was recommended to my wife by her individual sex therapist. The book is Still Sexy after All These Years: The 9 unspoken truths about Women's desire Beyond 50, by Leah Kliger & Deborah Nedelman. My wife wanted me to read it after she finished it. It was based on thousands of interviews with women over 50 across the country and what they felt about their sensuality and desire. As an HD person, I found it depressing, however it had suggestions on what some women who's husbands had died or who had serious medical problems that precluded sex found as a way of dealing with their lack of sex and yet still keeping a feeling of sensuality alive.
Another book that I found more interesting was Mating in Captivity by Ester Perel. It was about how the erotic spice/fire in a relationship can die with familiarity and a study of ways to keep the lust/fire alive in a committed long term relationship. Again, that may not be the issue in your relationship.
While I suspect that you are more interesting being able to push some button on your husband to get his sex drive up, I haven't really come across anything designed to push a spouse from no to go (althought, I looked). The closest I came to finding something was books on self hypnosis and the use of verbal affirmations and imagry to make changes in your life. I thought about trying to use verbal affirmations/statement that my wife could overhear that might work on her subconsious, but ultimately decided against it.
Good luck
>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.
