Well, I guess I am screwed then. How ironic, screwed bc I don't want to screw?
I am just not into the whole free love, just enjoy yourself thing. Sure that's fine for kissing and touching but when it comes to having sex, I have only done that with one person and he had to wait 2 1/2 years! Granted we were babies then (19)...I may not wait that long now, but I still won't do the casual sex thing. So, I may just have a series of first-and-second-dates.
Ok I wanted to report on some things I did this weekend. They are small but they are monumental to me.
First, when I was boxing things up to go to storage last year, there were several boxes of Dan work stuff. Like copy paper boxes. Disgustingly enough, there were dozens of envelopes in there (yes I looked, I was wanting to make sure I kept anything I might want! ) from porn vendors. All addressed to his work addresses over the years: Los Angeles, Kansas City, St. Louis, etc. Why he threw them in a box instead of putting them in the garbage I don't know. It was like junk mail stuff, flyers for DVDs and toys, mostly DVDs. He obv ordered things over the years using his work address so the mail would go there instead of home...
Anyway, in one box I found the phone packaging for his 'secret phone'. With the date on it, May 7, 2007. He told me back at the time that they had first slept together May 3-4, sometime in there. That's when it switched from an EA to a PA. Sadly, we had our daughter's first birthday party on May 5. Being cinco de Mayo, we had a group of friends/family over (Thankfully NOT ow) for grilled fajitas and margaritas. Now when I look at pics of Dan and I with Sydney and her cake, I know that he had just slept with someone else in the prior 48 hours. It was already over and I didn't know it yet...
Anyway, so that very Monday (5/7) he went and bought the secret phone. I don't know why but I took the box and the receipt for it home with me last year, and it has been in my garage ever since. Why? I guess it was proof, of what, I don't know. Of when it all really happened...
Anyway I took the packaging and the receipt and the bill out to the garbage on Saturday. Why did I want to look at it anymore...so out it went.
And then Sunday, during church, I prayed for Dan like I sometimes do. But I also prayed for OW. I didn't know what to pray for her, but I prayed I could feel some sort of compassion instead of hate and I prayed that both of them could find a way to become healthy and make positive choices for their lives. For me, just doing that was a lot.
